What happpened to January?

Posted 2009.02.02 1.00 in DID, Pointless Blather by Stephanie

Just realized that it’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything. Another long dark stretch where there wasn’t anything fun to talk about. I’m still on the crypto-spam but it’s not doing anything. I thought it might have been, towards the end of December, but now I suspect that what I thought was the drug working, was actually just me feeling good because the side-effects were finally ending.

I feel like my life has become a soap opera, and I’m not even one of the important cast. I’m just a reccuring character, who’s name they show 5 minutes into the episode, after the first batch of commercials, after the guest stars.

There’s lots of soap-opera-ish stuff going on all around me, but I’m not directly involved in any of it. Nonetheless, every aspect of my life is affected by the antics of the major players.

My part is also one of the ones that the directors feel is safe to cut, especially if some major drama is required – it’s the sort of role where you’re familiar enough to the regulars that there’ll be a sufficient amount of emotional return if the character gets axed, without having to risk one of the stars.

So that’s where I am right now. Not popular or important enough to spin-off and get a life of my own, stuck in a recurring bit part in other people’s soap-opera drama.

One Comment

  1. Violet says:

    Sounds like depersonalization / derealization. Feeling like your life is not your own, you’re just playing a part, having no control.

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