Just Once…

Posted 2009.06.29 9.08 in Pointless Blather by Stephanie

Just once I would like to wake up and feel refreshed and energetic. Just to see what it’s like. You hear these expressions, like “bright eyed and bushy tailed” or “rise and shine”… ¬†they have no meaning for me. And I have expressions that probably are meaningless to most people, like “I have blear in my eyes.”

I have insomnia and sleep apnea, so it takes me forever to fall asleep then when I do manage to get to sleep, I don’t get much rest. I wake feeling exhausted. By the time I’ve gotten up and washed and dressed and everything, I’m ready for a nap. I’m usually not fully consious till mid-morning. I drive to work with half-open eyes, yawning incessantly, then sit here staring at the computer with my eyes trying to roll back into my head, my brain locked in alpha-wave mode, and wonder why I just can’t get in gear, for the 10,000th day in a row.

If Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is real, I’ve had it for 20+ years. It’s like someone put one of my batteries in backwards and I’m perpetually running with only half power. Now and then there are little bursts of energy, alertness. But they’re few and far between, and typically short-lived.

Tired. It’s not just a feeling, it’s a way of life.

Leave a Comment