Routine Lapses of Judgement

Posted 2009.07.16 10.41 in DID, Pointless Blather by Stephanie

I was going to call this post “Temporary Stupidity” but that just felt a wee bit too harsh. And not entirely accurate, really.

It’s ┬ájust that, sometimes I forget about consequences. Nothing huge mind you, like destroying the world because you think it would look cool, but then afterwards remembering that the world is where you kept all your stuff. Little things, and especially little things that can lead to pain or injury. Like, with my knife and sword hobby, it’s very easy to get all interested in playing with knives or swinging swords around, and temporarily forget that a razor-sharp knife might not be the best thing to practice fancy knife-twirling with, or momentarily fail to consider that accidentally swinging the sword into the coat-tree will result in most of one’s favorite jackets and sweaters ending up in need of emergency stitching (or replacement).

Read on for more – but warning, it might will get strange or and icky.

So, when I discover a strange thing on my leg, my first and natural impulse is to cut or pierce it open and find out what’s inside. Even if I can resist that impulse for a while, eventually I’m just gonna have to find out what’s inside the thing. And while I want to protest that why wouldn’t anyone want to perform amateur minor surgery on their own selves, I realize that I am probably very much alone in this.

By thing, I mean, lump, bump, blister, bite, whatever. Not like a bug or something that’s stuck or added on, but something that’s like incorporated, attached, part of the whole. In this case, it looked sort of like a blister, but it had appeared on my shin, in the middle of a scar that had itself appeared out of nowhere last year. My shins are medical mysteries – they have these wierd scars on them that come out of nowhere and despite lots and lots of tests, there’s no explanation.

Anyhow – so my inclination is to just dig on in and find out what it is. And seriously, it just never, ever occurs to me that there might be pain at some point. It’s more like I’m so curious about the thing that minor inconsequential things like pain or infection or dumbass-go-see-a-doctor just don’t come into my head. So away I go, poking, cuting, digging, probing, and eventually I’m usually no further ahead (what am I, a doctor?) but at least in some way my curiosity has been sated – such as Yep it seems to be a blister; nothing in there but clear odourless water-like liquid.

Then a few minutes later I start wondering why the hell my shin hurts so much.

Oh yeah, some moron was poking it with a knife. Duh.

So – Temporary Stupidity might be appropriate, but because it happens on a fairly regular basis, and because I’m actually not stupid (evidence to the contrary aside), I have decided to call it Routine Lapses of Judgement.

And then the reading audience replies, No, actually you’re an idiot – smarten the hell up!

One Comment

  1. Violet says:

    I’m not quite sure why I flagged this one with the DID category. Memory problems lol.

    Maybe that was it. One part of her thinks she needs to go digging and poking at problems like a doctor, then she forgets a few minutes later that she’s done it?

    Also, the whole thing with wierd unexplained physical problems might be somatic symptoms / body memory. Or it could be injuries the body sustained while someone else was using it, and she had amnesia / time loss for that.

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