War & Peace & Fish Food

Posted 2009.07.23 22.55 in Aquaria, Pointless Blather by Stephanie

Aquarium Diary, Entry #30

Leader of the Zebrafish, General Shifty, has surrendered. The zebrafish rebellion is over, and everyone has breathed a sigh of relief. Shifty conceded that the fishes’ appetite was their downfall. No fry army would be raised as the zebras themselves couldn’t help eating any babies who emerged from the gravel. No planorbid army would be raised, as the zebras will happily eat them too, if the planorbids’ shell should get accidentally smushed.

Those fry or smushed planorbids that escaped the zebrafish still had to contend with my forces: Speed Racer the snail, and the two peppered cory catfish, Doctor Pepper and Sargent Pepper.

The surrender was not unconditional, however – Shifty demanded that the zebrafish reserve the right to act suspicious or blatantly inconspicuous at their discretion. He also demanded colour-enhancing flaked fish food, and occasional treats of freeze-dried bloodworms.

I did not find the terms unreasonable, and agreed to the conditions. At long last I can drop this ridiculous storyline, which started out sort of interesting but has unfortunately become a bit laborious and has lost the funny.

Cheers!

WTF is with these Utility Cons?

Posted 2009.07.23 11.05 in Pointless Blather, Work by Stephanie

We’ve all encountered situations like this. Someone shows up at your door, at home or at work, with an official-looking clipboard, an official-looking photo-id badge, and a rehearsed spiel that they are here from an official-sounding company, on behalf of a legitimate company or utility, and they are going to save you some money.

As you know, long distance has been deregulated, and now you can save a lot of money by signing this contract so that your long distance is covered by this new low-cost business. Maybe you’ve heard that natural gas prices are going up and up, and they can save you hundreds of dollars over the next 5 years if you sign a contract to pay a fixed rate? Perhaps you’ve heard that the price of electricity is on the rise, and they can save you a lot of money if you’ll sign a contract to pay a fixed rate over the next few years? And the latest one: We can save you a lot of money over the next few years, because you know the United Nations is pushing to have every country start charging a carbon tax, and if you just sign this contract we can take care of that for you…

No, I’m not talking about the poor shlep who’s been walking around for 8 hours a day – he’s already been victimized, and sadly he probably even believes the bullshit that he’s telling you. I’ll explain momentarily.

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