Like A Horror Movie

Posted 2009.10.23 9.15 in Pointless Blather by Stephanie

Imagine you’ve run out of coffee fixings. You’re tired, and grumpy. You’re on the way to the coffee shop to get your morning fix. You turn down the road that leads to caffein, only to see the ‘road closed’ signs in the distance.

As your brain is slowly processing the signs, your eyes drift upwards to some movement on the sunvisor.



The horror… the horror… pull over, stop, don’t make sudden movements, you don’t want it to jump on you, it might try and get at your face, or your hair. Find something to smush it with. Try not to crash the car.

How the heck do you explain that to the insurance guy?

It’s not my fault! It was the spider! There was a spider! It made me crash, then it slipped away in the confusion! You gotta believe me! IT WAS THE SPIDER!!!

And of course if you present photographic proof of the spider, you’re just implicating yourself for taking the photo instead of driving. It’s a no-win situation. And what about his friends?! You just know he was the scout, his eleventy-million friends are still hiding behind the sunvisor and if you open it they’ll all jump in your eyes and nose and hair and mouth.

See, this is why I don’t like spiders.

That, and the whole too-many-legs thing. Four, is the most legs anything oughta need.

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