And Another Thing…

Posted 2009.11.09 19.21 in Pointless Blather

In the TV series Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the character Anya had been a normal person who was recruited by demons to become a vengance demon specializing in scorned women. There was also another vengance demon in one episode, who specialized in neglected children.

Just on the off chance that there are any demon recruiters cruising teh interwebs, I’d just like to mention, I’m available.

I’d specialize in asshats who didn’t know how to use turn signals or stop signs. When innocent drivers wind up in prangs because some asshat cut them off, failed to signal, or didn’t stop, they could summon me, and I’d make sure that Horrible Things happened to the Asshole in question.

I’d just add one thing to my demon contract, that I wouldn’t have to do my evil against my family.

Otherwise, I could totally get down with the live forever, perform evil horrible deeds against assholes who can’t drive, and generally just being nasty.

So, evil demon recruiters – get in touch. I’m available.

Asshole-Class Drivers’ License

Posted 2009.11.09 15.13 in Pointless Blather

Through careful observation, I have come to the conclusion that there is a special classification of drivers’ license that one can apply for. It is the ‘Asshole’ class.

People who hold an ‘Asshole’ class drivers license don’t have to stop at stopsigns, they don’t need to use turn signals, they can speed or suddenly, randomly, brake with impunity. They can park wherever they like, including handicapped spaces and fire-routes, and they are permitted to drive on the paved shoulder and queue-jump where possible, because they are clearly more important than anyone else.

Should someone (say, for example, a police officer) actually question them on their driving habits they can cheerfully reply “It’s ok — I’m an Asshole!” and the officer will let them continue on their way.

I don’t beleive there are any special requirements or qualifications necessary either – if you want your Asshole class license, simply report to your nearest Ministry of Transportation office, stride up to the counter and announce in a loud, confident voice, “Hey you! I’m an Asshole and I’d like my special permit now!

The Ministry of Transportation staff will react accordingly.

I’d just like to see Asshole class permit holders be required to have a big “A” painted on the back of their cars (in brown paint, no?), so that we have some warning and can try and avoid them.

Aquarium Update #1 – Snail Tank

Posted 2009.11.09 9.05 in Aquaria

My 38-gallon aquarium, aka the Snail Tank, is where my apple snails live, along with some friendly fish. Not that I think people want to read all the nitty gritty details of my aquarium, so this is more or less for me, so if my memory goes, I will have something to refer back to.

The Snail Tank

There’s five apple snails in there right now. Speed Racer is my original snail, he (or she) is also the biggest. Then Big Blue, whom I am certain is a female, has been with me second-longest. Little Buddy is like a little brother or cousin to Speed Racer, and is definately male. Shelly is a pretty golden girl. And then the most-recent addition, a little golden male who doesn’t have an official name yet. I call him Munchkin though cos he’s kind of cute.

Read more »