Teflon Conspiracy

Posted 2009.12.01 18.35 in Pointless Blather by Stephanie

You know how sometimes they sell pots and pans at the grocery store? So instead of having to go to a pots and pans store, you can just pick them up at the same place you get your food. It’s kind of convenient, although sometimes the grocery store pots and pans aren’t quite top-of-the-line.

Anyhow, so there’s this frying pan for sale, and it says its teflon coated. That’s good, nothing sticks to teflon. Healthy too since you use less (or no) cooking oil, and your food doesn’t stick.

Except, the advertising material that says how great the frying pan is, is printed on a label that they’ve stuck right in the middle of the frying pan! I mean, what the heck? There’s three things wrong with this:

  1. It means that before you can use the frying pan, you have to work like hell to get the stupid sticker off of it.
  2. Then you end up scratching up the pan as you try and get the damn sticker off, and now it’s no good.
  3. And if the frying pan was really teflon coated, then how’d they get the sticker to stick to it in the first place? Nothing sticks to teflon.

Which leads me to another question: If nothing sticks to teflon, then how do they get the teflon to stick to the fying pan? Shouldn’t the teflon just slide off the frying pan?

I think it’s all just a scam. There’s no such thing as teflon. It’s really a special kind of slime they harvest from the FryingPan Frog, native to the vast Saskatchewan Swamplands.

Mad Hair Day

Posted 2009.12.01 9.40 in Pointless Blather by Stephanie

Other people have bad hair days. I do too, frequently. Sometimes though, it’s worse than that. Some days, my hair is just completely mad.

I mean insane – when it’s really troubled, my hair will shout obscenities at strangers. It mumbles to itself on busy street corners.

Some people stare, others just furtively glance then look away, not wanting to participate in the unruly embarassment. Parents whisper to their children, “Look away. It’s unwell. Don’t stare.”

I attribute all this to a handful of separate issues – each one, on its own, wouldn’t be too bad. But together, they are greater than the sum of their parts, and my hair really has the deck stacked against it.

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