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!money = !happiness

Posted 2013.03.27 15.51 in Pointless Blather, Work by Stephanie

Have you ever heard the saying, “You can’t buy happiness”, or “money can’t buy happiness”, or words to that effect?

Well it’s bullshit.

The lack of money can lead to a significant happiness deficit. And if your happiness level is in arrears because you’re stressed-out about being broke, or unable to pay the bills or the mortgage… and if having a [better] job and more money would allieviate that stress and therefore allow you to get out of a negative-happiness balance, then that just mathematically proves that yes you can in fact buy happiness.

I’m not saying that money and happiness are equivalent. There’s probably an exchange rate, and it probably varies from day to day and person to person. Maybe there’s limits too. Like if you’re already pretty happy, then money won’t buy you any more of it?

But damnit, I’m stressed about work, money, bills, work bills, work money, mortgages, and money, and it’s making me really fucking unhappy. It doesn’t help that I haven’t been in a particularily good place to begin with.

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Deep in the Ds

Posted 2013.03.18 10.49 in Pointless Blather by Stephanie

So it’s been like a month and a half since I had anything to say.

No, I didn’t die of pneumonia — although it was an appealing option.

I’ve been in the long tail of recovery, where I’m not really feeling “100%” but I’m not sick enough to say I’m feeling sick. Still coughing, but with less force and less frequency.

In the meantime though the three Ds have got me: Depression, Despair, Darkness. The darkness and depression are like old friends, but the despair is new.

It’s a kind of hopelessness, sort of a conviction that this is it, there’s no light in this tunnel, no improvement or salvation around the corner. Every day is just another step closer towards an inevitable finale.

There’s still some enjoyment along the way, it’s not non-stop pain. My kitties and my friends help, and I’m grateful for that.

Anyhow, that’s why there’s not been any activity here – nothing fun to post about.