Deep in the Ds

Posted 2013.03.18 10.49 in Pointless Blather by Stephanie

So it’s been like a month and a half since I had anything to say.

No, I didn’t die of pneumonia — although it was an appealing option.

I’ve been in the long tail of recovery, where I’m not really feeling “100%” but I’m not sick enough to say I’m feeling sick. Still coughing, but with less force and less frequency.

In the meantime though the three Ds have got me: Depression, Despair, Darkness. The darkness and depression are like old friends, but the despair is new.

It’s a kind of hopelessness, sort of a conviction that this is it, there’s no light in this tunnel, no improvement or salvation around the corner.¬†Every day is just another step closer towards an inevitable finale.

There’s still some enjoyment along the way, it’s not non-stop pain. My kitties and my friends help, and I’m grateful for that.

Anyhow, that’s why there’s not been any activity here – nothing fun to post about.


  1. Howie H. says:

    Don’t die!!! We need to see the build notes for the ISEB-6! I am totally kidding (about the build notes). Feel better!

  2. Selvina says:

    with kitties, all things are endurable. hang in there my lovely <3

  3. Stephanie says:

    Thank you all for the kind words.

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