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Hugh on the Trumpet

Posted 2014.08.25 16.59 in Family/Friends by Stephanie

Here’s a brief clip of my dad Hugh playing his trumpet to one of the arrangements he wrote. The other parts are being played by the computer.

Balancing on the Edge

Posted 2014.08.14 13.22 in Pointless Blather by Stephanie

The last couple of days I feel like I’m balancing right on the edge of depression.

If you’ve never suffered from bi-polar or manic-depressive disorder, you won’t know what this feeling is like.

It’s like a fear, a feeling that something big, dark, and doomy is hovering right behind me.

Like it’s just waiting for me to slip, a momentary lapse of focus, a loss of balance.

It’s when you’re dead tired, but you cannot sleep.

When everything tastes bad, so you don’t want to eat, but if you don’t eat you’re hungry. And if you do eat, you feel worse afterwards.

When all the fun has been drained out of your normally-fun things, and all you’re left with is going through the motions and wondering why you bother.

I don’t know what, if anything, has brought it on. Sometimes there’s a ‘trigger’ but sometimes there isn’t. When I was first diagnosed manic-depressive / bi-polar, it was cyclical. I had roughly 4 to 6 weeks of manic then roughly 8 to 10 months of depression. Then for  years it was gone and I was ok. Then for a few years I was really depressed.

Then last year, I thought I was ok again. Maybe I still am.

Just now and then, I get this huge sense of impending doomishness and it frightens me that the darkness is going to close in again.

4k TV

Posted 2014.08.06 21.04 in Family/Friends by Stephanie

It’s been one month since my dad died.

I’ve been pretty much ok since then. Had a huge loud ugly cry a few hours after he died, then just got on with stuff.

Sure there’s been tears now and then. Reminiscing about him with my mum, for example. Going through some photographs. That sort of thing.

Then today I saw a blurb on the tv, the news channel doing some bit on the new 4k televisions that are going to make HDTV obsolete.

And that set me off.

My dad loved big tv. He had a crazy-huge tv, like 70 or 80 inches or something. He had mentioned 4k tv now and then, he was excited to see it when the price got down a bit.

And the realization that he missed it, he won’t get to see it, just made me hugely sad. Crazy little thing.

I hope wherever he is now, he’s got his 4k tv. And there’s no commercials on any of his channels.

This Concludes Our Broadcasting Day