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Evil Invisible Gnomes

Posted 2010.08.30 16.27 in Did, Life On Drugs, Pointless Blather by Stephanie

So last night while I was laying in bed, it suddenly occured to me that Ouch, normally the bedsheet does not cause me any pain in the knee. So why was my knee all sore and tender now?

Today I had a look and my knee is all black and blue and purple, like someone had at it with a stick or club or something.

Now I don’t recall any kind of beat-down, nor for that matter do I remember taking any unexpected trips to the ground. So this can only be the result of one thing:

Evil Invisible Garden Gnomes.

They’re sneaking into my house at night and beating me with sticks while I’m asleep.

I know they’re invisible because I can’t see any garden gnomes in the neighborhood when I look for them. And I surmise that they are evil because they’re invisible, and therefore they can be evil and get away with it.

Plus, if they were friendly or visible garden gnomes, I’d like to think they would sneak in and clean my house while I slept, rather than pummel me with blunt objects.

Here is photographic proof: You can clearly see that no friendly or visible garden gnomes exist. Therefore the only garden gnomes in this photo are the evil invisible variety. It is conclusive!

Unfocused

Posted 2009.12.20 10.03 in Did, Life On Drugs, Pointless Blather by Stephanie

Unfocused pretty much describes me right now. Unable to focus. Focus-free. Not blurry, just… unfocused.

I’m supposed to be working. All weekend. Household chores and office work. Like every other weekend, I write up a checklist so I know what I need to do, and check each thing off as I go.

This weekend though… kaput. Nada. Nothing.

Yesterday, instead of accomplishing the eleven tasks I had on my list, I achieved only two. The rest of the day was spent sleeping, or resting, or just staring into space.

Maybe it’s the season? Monday is the winter solstace. Shortest day, longest night, darkest dark. So this weekend we’re pretty close to that. Not much light. Maybe it’s just that I’m tired out and need to catch up on my zzzzzzs.

Or maybe I’m shutting down – when the stress and pressure get to be too much, I sieze up and go off-line. Some stress and pressure is good, up to a point it helps me function, but past that point things begin to fail quickly.

Also, I’ve just got around to increasing the dosage on my meds, that the doctor RXed last month, so that might be contributing.

I don’t know.

Whatever it is, all I do know is that another day goes by, it’s another day closer to the various deadlines, and one less day I have to achieve what needs to be done.

They tell me Friday is a holiday. Long weekends are good – it’s a chance to get more work done, get caught up a bit.

Meh.

 

A Year Of Living Crazily

Posted 2009.12.02 7.46 in Did, Life On Drugs by Stephanie

Roughly speaking, more or less, it’s been about a year since I started taking my mind-altering drugs – a year of cryptospam.

Originally I was just taking one of these a day. Then after a couple months, it went up to two a day. Two a day seemed good, worked well for several months. By well, I mean, you know, stable, steady.

Then lately, like end of October / beginning of November, I started having wild mood swings. One day I’d be up, bouncing off the walls, everything was cool. Then the next day or two or twelve, I’d be down, really morose, wondering what was the point of anything.

It was pretty messed up.

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Rogue Film

Posted 2009.11.06 21.27 in Did, Hobbies, Photography by Stephanie

I finally decided I’d better start filing away all my negatives, after all the photography I’ve been doing in the past few months. I don’t even know how many rolls of film I’ve processed here, but the negs had been piling up.

I have some of those archival 3-ring insert sleeve things, so I got to it, filing away my negs by date and roll. So far, so good.

When I was finished though, I found myself with a rogue bit of film…

Rogue Film

Five frames of Ilford FP4+, obviously taken recently (that is, in the past few months) but I have no recollection of ever using FP4+ film. I have HP5+, but that’s the only Ilford I’ve used. I went through my notes, but I can’t find any reference to FP4+ nor can I find any more frames from this roll.

It’s a mystery…

Darkness and Pain

Posted 2009.10.15 9.33 in Did, Pointless Blather by Stephanie

It’s not what you think.

First off, I’m still rebelling against autumn. Well not rebelling, I guess you can’t really stop the seasons. Maybe moving to the opposite hemisphere would be a way to rebel. I’m just upset about it. This morning, I stayed in bed an extra half hour after the alarm went off and it was still dark when I got up. It feels like getting up at midnight. I can’t get up in the dark. Sure I wake up all the time, but getting up… that’s another matter entirely.

Then there’s the pain. I think that when you’re in pain, it tires you out. Like you have a certain amount of energy for the day, and if you’re in pain then some of that energy is going to into dealing with the pain. And I’m running on diminished capacity anyways, so having something else nibbling away at my reserves is just unfair.

The thing is, I have a toothache. It’s kind of a dull constant throbbing thing. I know any normal person would go and see a dentist, but… I learned at a very early age that dentists are Evil. You think I’m just kidding around. The dentist I saw as a child, was so nasty that his own family saw other dentists. This man scarred me for life, seriously.

My earliest dental memories involve him striking me across the face because I was frightened and wouldn’t open my mouth, then when he did get it open he wedged some kind of stainless steel device in there that had a little crank and it expanded to force my mouth open and keep it that way. I saw a similar device on the Discovery Channel recently, on their Machines of Malice series.

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Bad

Posted 2009.10.03 15.58 in Did, Pointless Blather by Stephanie

Ever gone picking rasberries or strawberries, and as you’re filling your pail you find a rotten one? What do you do? Odds are, you don’t get angry at the berry. You just toss it aside and pick the next berry. Ever opened a carton of milk to discover it had gone sour? If it was brand-new, you might get cross with the grocer, might even take it back for a refund. Or maybe you just pour it out. You probably don’t get mad at the milk itself, though. In any event, you get another carton of milk. Or have you opened a bottle of wine, only to discover it was corked? Again,  you typically wouldn’t get angry at the wine. You might be disappointed, or upset at the loss if it was a particularily special or expensive bottle. But it could have been corked at the winery, at the shop, or while it was in your cellar. No way to know, really. So you just pour it out, and get another one.

The berry, the milk, the wine, they’ve all gone bad. They aren’t to blame, it’s just the luck of the draw. Things happened to them, or their environment, and the outcome was that they went bad.

What about people? Bad people?

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No Fair!

Posted 2009.09.24 15.22 in Did, Life On Drugs, Pointless Blather by Stephanie

It’s not fair! I took my cryptospam. I had a rest yesterday. I haven’t had nearly as much extra large extra strong coffees. Why am I still dizzy and befuddled?!

About the only improvement from yesterday is that my eyemuscles have stopped convulsing. But I’m still feeling twitchy and my eyeballs are still itchy. Gawd I hate that!

And another thing – how is it that minutes and hours take forever, but actual weeks and months go by quickly? Something is really messed up with the way time works. Somebody should look into that, do a study.