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Potential Proto Peppers!

Posted 2016.04.17 14.52 in Pointless Blather

I know it’s been a long while since I posted on my little aerogarden, but it’s more or less still kicking. Certainly seems healthier than I feel these days. ūüôā

Anyhow, one of the things I was really excited about was the Ghost Pepper seeds my sister gave me, and that plant is still thriving!

I just recently I noticed it had wee little ‘bud’ things forming. I think these are proto-peppers! There’s like a half dozen of them at least, and I’m excited and hopeful that it means I’ll have fresh home-grown ghost peppers soon!

Possible Proto Peppers

A Brief Intermission

Posted 2016.02.16 9.53 in Pointless Blather

Taking a little break from this year’s house plants & synth pics show to lower the mood and rant / whinge for a moment.

You know the expression Death By A Thousand Papercuts? Sometimes I feel like that.

Sometimes it seems like I have a thousand relatively minor health problems and individually they’re all quite common or insignificant, the sorts of thing everyone deals with one way or another.

But when there’s so many of them, there’s always at least 2 or 3 that are going at once, and by the time they’re dealt with, 2 or 3 more have already flared up to take their places.

So it’s constant. It’s not always the same thing, but it’s a constant struggle, a constant drain.

And I think sometimes it’d be easier just dealing with one biggie, like cancer or something. Because when you’re having a shit day and tell people that your cancer is flaring up, they understand that and cut you some slack. (*)

But when you’re having a shit day and it’s because [really minor medical inconvenience # 612] is flaring up, people think you’re a lazy-ass crybaby wimp who whines too much. Because they don’t get that it’s just one of a thousand other minor problems and they all add up, or that the last time you felt truly good and healthy was some time before the turn of the century.

Anyhow, I’m not saying I’d rather have cancer or something like that. Just that every little damn thing adds up and really sucks the life out of you, but those little things are all individually no big deal.

Like Spoon Theory – if you don’t know it, look into it. I first read about it in The Bloggess’ book Furiously Happy.

I sort of see it as it’s easy to explain why your cup is almost empty when there’s a huge gaping hole in it (eg. cancer) but when it’s constantly empty because of a thousand microscopic cracks, it’s harder to understand or explain.

Anyways, I just wanted to get this out. I’m in pain for what feels like the 7524th day in a row, and it’s not huge pain, but it’s enough to remind me that I don’t really want to endure another few thousand more days like this.

* Note: I’m not sure chronicly healthy people even really grasp it in those ‘big’ situations.

My dad was very healthy right up untill he died of cancer, and even then the only part of him that was sick was his lungs, where the cancer was. A couple days before he died, he told me he remembered one time years ago when I couldn’t keep up with him walking, because my asthma was acting up.

He admitted, at the time, he thought I was just lazy and out of shape. It wasn’t till he was laying there dying of lung cancer that he actually understood how debilitating it was, to have trouble breathing.

I’m not saying every healthy person is as oblivious as he was, just suggesting that unless you’ve actually experienced poor health yourself, you maybe don’t fully get how utterly taxing it can be.

Plant Eggs Are Hatching!

Posted 2016.01.10 15.57 in Hobbies, Pointless Blather

Less than a week after I set up the Aerogarden, the plant eggs are already hatching!

Thai Basil was first, and despite being a little shy and not yet poking its head out from under the paper cover, it looks like it’s kind of green and bushy down there.

Wee Baby Basil

Genovese Basil was second, but it’s moving slowly and in an awkward position to try and photograph. For now I can only see it by angling a little mirror above the wee plastic dome.

And this one just hatched last night before lights-out, now today he’s already coming up strong!

IMG_0816

Two Months

Posted 2015.09.13 12.50 in Pointless Blather, Work

I just realized, it’s been nearly two months since I posted anything. And my last post was a real downer.

I’m still here, things just went from depressing to busy, in short order.

After many many (too many) years, all the servers at work are being replaced with shiny new ones, and it’s going to take a tremendous amount of planning, effort, and testing, to make sure it all goes off without a hitch.

Matrix

I know it’s cliche and hackneyed and 16 years old but I still enjoy the “Matrix” screensaver. There’s something relaxing about the streams of green text on a black background.

In the above pic, two new mini-towers are being set up, configured, and tested. In a few months time, they’ll be put to work, replacing some much older equipment.

Off the Face of the Earth

Posted 2014.12.27 8.26 in Pointless Blather

I haven’t actually dropped off the face of the Earth, though it may seem that way.

Gaia

Dealing with issues and stuff. And work and stuff.

Also, working out logistics for a server move / migration. Possibly in the next week or two.

Definitely still here though.

Baking Magic

Posted 2014.10.28 18.40 in Pointless Blather

I’ve started making my own bread again.

It was at least 15 years ago when I first started making bread. Back then I didn’t have a machine for it. The machines existed but they seemed frivolous and expensive.

Eventually I did get a machine, 2 or 3 years ago. Made bread for a few months, then gradually stopped again.

Then about 2 weeks ago, I got the idea to try it again.

It’s one of those lessons I keep forgetting. Fresh, home-made bread is wonderful.

The machine is handy. There’s convenience to it. A lot less messy. And compared to store-bought factory made bread, bread machine bread is pretty darn good.

But doing it entirely by hand… it’s magical as well as wonderful.

I hate messes, I hate cleaning up, and I hate getting my hands dirty. But for scratch-made bread, it’s worth it. It really is.

Home-made bread fills me with joy.

It also feels like a kind of magic.

I mean how did they figure it all out? Grind the wheat into flour… mix it into rubbery dough. The yeast thing was nature’s doing, and probably quite hit-or-miss at first. Then the rising, the kneading, more rising, more kneading. Then baking. Then eating!

I just made a loaf of honey-bread. It’s just bread with honey added. Super simple. Water, salt, flour, butter, yeast, and honey. It’s all light and poofy and as soon as it was cool enough to touch, I couldn’t resist cutting off a piece to try it.

Home-Made Honey Bread

I don’t really have a point I guess. I just love making bread, it feels like a kind of kitchen magic, and I wanted to share my feeling of wonder.

Balancing on the Edge

Posted 2014.08.14 13.22 in Pointless Blather

The last couple of days I feel like I’m balancing right on the edge of depression.

If you’ve never suffered from bi-polar or manic-depressive disorder, you won’t know what this feeling is like.

It’s like a fear, a feeling that something big, dark, and doomy is hovering right behind me.

Like it’s just waiting for me to slip, a momentary lapse of focus, a loss of balance.

It’s when you’re dead tired, but you cannot sleep.

When everything tastes bad,¬†so you don’t want to eat, but if you don’t eat you’re hungry. And if you do eat, you feel worse afterwards.

When all the fun has been drained out of your normally-fun things, and all you’re left with is going through the motions and wondering why¬†you bother.

I don’t know what, if anything, has brought it on. Sometimes there’s a ‘trigger’ but sometimes there isn’t. When I was first diagnosed manic-depressive / bi-polar, it was cyclical. I had roughly 4 to 6 weeks of manic then roughly 8 to 10¬†months of depression. Then for ¬†years it was gone and I was ok. Then for a few years I was really depressed.

Then last year, I thought I was ok again. Maybe I still am.

Just now and then, I get this huge sense of impending doomishness and it frightens me that the darkness is going to close in again.