Taking a little break from this year’s house plants & synth pics show to lower the mood and rant / whinge for a moment.
You know the expression Death By A Thousand Papercuts? Sometimes I feel like that.
Sometimes it seems like I have a thousand relatively minor health problems and individually they’re all quite common or insignificant, the sorts of thing everyone deals with one way or another.
But when there’s so many of them, there’s always at least 2 or 3 that are going at once, and by the time they’re dealt with, 2 or 3 more have already flared up to take their places.
So it’s constant. It’s not always the same thing, but it’s a constant struggle, a constant drain.
And I think sometimes it’d be easier just dealing with one biggie, like cancer or something. Because when you’re having a shit day and tell people that your cancer is flaring up, they understand that and cut you some slack. (*)
But when you’re having a shit day and it’s because [really minor medical inconvenience # 612] is flaring up, people think you’re a lazy-ass crybaby wimp who whines too much. Because they don’t get that it’s just one of a thousand other minor problems and they all add up, or that the last time you felt truly good and healthy was some time before the turn of the century.
Anyhow, I’m not saying I’d rather have cancer or something like that. Just that every little damn thing adds up and really sucks the life out of you, but those little things are all individually no big deal.
Like Spoon Theory – if you don’t know it, look into it. I first read about it in The Bloggess’ book Furiously Happy.
I sort of see it as it’s easy to explain why your cup is almost empty when there’s a huge gaping hole in it (eg. cancer) but when it’s constantly empty because of a thousand microscopic cracks, it’s harder to understand or explain.
Anyways, I just wanted to get this out. I’m in pain for what feels like the 7524th day in a row, and it’s not huge pain, but it’s enough to remind me that I don’t really want to endure another few thousand more days like this.
* Note: I’m not sure chronicly healthy people even really grasp it in those ‘big’ situations.
My dad was very healthy right up untill he died of cancer, and even then the only part of him that was sick was his lungs, where the cancer was. A couple days before he died, he told me he remembered one time years ago when I couldn’t keep up with him walking, because my asthma was acting up.
He admitted, at the time, he thought I was just lazy and out of shape. It wasn’t till he was laying there dying of lung cancer that he actually understood how debilitating it was, to have trouble breathing.
I’m not saying every healthy person is as oblivious as he was, just suggesting that unless you’ve actually experienced poor health yourself, you maybe don’t fully get how utterly taxing it can be.