The last couple of days I feel like I’m balancing right on the edge of depression.
If you’ve never suffered from bi-polar or manic-depressive disorder, you won’t know what this feeling is like.
It’s like a fear, a feeling that something big, dark, and doomy is hovering right behind me.
Like it’s just waiting for me to slip, a momentary lapse of focus, a loss of balance.
It’s when you’re dead tired, but you cannot sleep.
When everything tastes bad, so you don’t want to eat, but if you don’t eat you’re hungry. And if you do eat, you feel worse afterwards.
When all the fun has been drained out of your normally-fun things, and all you’re left with is going through the motions and wondering why you bother.
I don’t know what, if anything, has brought it on. Sometimes there’s a ‘trigger’ but sometimes there isn’t. When I was first diagnosed manic-depressive / bi-polar, it was cyclical. I had roughly 4 to 6 weeks of manic then roughly 8 to 10 months of depression. Then for years it was gone and I was ok. Then for a few years I was really depressed.
Then last year, I thought I was ok again. Maybe I still am.
Just now and then, I get this huge sense of impending doomishness and it frightens me that the darkness is going to close in again.
It’s been one month since my dad died.
I’ve been pretty much ok since then. Had a huge loud ugly cry a few hours after he died, then just got on with stuff.
Sure there’s been tears now and then. Reminiscing about him with my mum, for example. Going through some photographs. That sort of thing.
Then today I saw a blurb on the tv, the news channel doing some bit on the new 4k televisions that are going to make HDTV obsolete.
And that set me off.
My dad loved big tv. He had a crazy-huge tv, like 70 or 80 inches or something. He had mentioned 4k tv now and then, he was excited to see it when the price got down a bit.
And the realization that he missed it, he won’t get to see it, just made me hugely sad. Crazy little thing.
I hope wherever he is now, he’s got his 4k tv. And there’s no commercials on any of his channels.
Wicca Plus has just been updated! Version 3.0 is now available in the App Store.
This was a huge update – huge in features, not in filesize! Here’s just some of the latest improvements:
- Add / Remove sections from the main Sections screen
- Sort / Organize sections & entries
- Icon picker for your sections and your entries
- Photo picker / Camera option to add images to your entries
- Astronomically accurate solstice & equinox data
- Import / Export individual entries, or your entire book
For a complete list of enhancements and improvements, check out the announcement in the Wicca Plus forum.
For general information about the app, visit the Wicca Plus website!
Tick’d Off version 1.1 is now available in the App Store.
Version 1.1 includes a few improvements and updates:
- Various minor bugfixes.
- Various minor usability & UI enhancements
- Added ability to copy / duplicate list meta & contents
- Plus a dozen more list icons to choose from
Tick’d Off is a simple and straight-forward check-list / to-do list app, focused on letting you manage your to-do tasks without distraction.
For more information, please have a look at the Tick’d Off app page.
Overlord! version 2.0 is now available in the App Store.
Version 2.0 includes a number of improvements and updates:
- Various readability improvements to the different colour themes.
- Expanded details in overview, search view, and day view entry lists.
- Additional usability options in settings.
- Various bug-fixes and under-the-hood performance improvements.
Overlord! is a calendar replacement app for iPhone and iPad, designed for those of us who depend primarily on the List view and the Month view.
For more information, please have a look at the Overlord! Calendar Replacement app page.
My dad wrote his own obituary, and it is as beautiful as it is long.
I’ve been reading everyone else’s for years, and I’ve always liked those best that were written by the deceased themselves. So here’s mine.
What a great life I have had. I’ve had so many successes, it is going to sound like bragging.
First of all, I was the luckiest guy ever when I met and married Joan Clark. What a fantastic wife, friend, and supporter she has been. And thanks to B.A. and Ron for arranging that Joan and I should meet.
We chose two wonderful babies who grew up to be great fiends; our daughters Stephanie and Leanne. And then there are the grands: Mackenzie, Jackson, and Riley, Leanne’s great kids.
It took a while, but I finally realized that the next most important thing in life after family is the wonderful friends you make over the years.
When I married Joan, I also acquired a place in her family. A lot of people make jokes about their in-laws. I don’t. They’ve always been great to Joan and I. Her sister Marilyn and brother-in-law Rod Shantz have always been better friends than relatives. And their extended family; Mark and Anne and their daughter Abbey, Tracey and her husband Eric and their four fantastic kids, Daniel, Robert, Matthew, and Emily.
I left my parents and sister Sonia back in B.C. when I came to Toronto in 1959. And while we lived apart, they were there for me when I needed help or support. One of my proudest moments was when I was able to help arrange a surprise 65th wedding anniversary for my parents, Peter and Cay Maksylewich in Penticton, B.C. where they lived.
It truly amazes me the number of people I’ve gotten to know through Joan, my musical career, my various jobs, and of course those I met through my adventures as a small business owner in the now defunct business forms industry. What a rush!
Through the ups and downs of business start-up, loss, and re-start-up, active participation in our trade association, the wonderful and interesting people and places we enjoyed is a major highlight.
So many new friends, so many wonderful trips culminating in a unique award given to me in 1989: I am the only Canadian ever awarded the Member Of The Year trophy by my peers in our trade association. Am I bragging? A little perhaps, but I know you will cut me some slack.
Finally, I would like to recognize the last five years living in what for me was the greatest community ever.
Unless one has actually lived here, it is hard to believe that so many kind, giving, and wonderful people could live in such close proximity.
I will never forget my 75th birthday party in the community rec centre, when 85 people attended to wish me a happy birthday. Sending the thank-you cards, I was overwhelmed to realize that 55 of those were neighbourhood friends. What a community! There are too many to list in this verbose epistle, but you know who you are, and I thank you so much.
Wow, this is long! But you know that I was never one to be short on speaking, until recently!
So, good bye to you all, friends, family, and acquaintances.
Who knows what the future brings, but hopefully you and I will meet again.