So it’s been like a month and a half since I had anything to say.

No, I didn’t die of pneumonia — although it was an appealing option.

I’ve been in the long tail of recovery, where I’m not really feeling “100%” but I’m not sick enough to say I’m feeling sick. Still coughing, but with less force and less frequency.

In the meantime though the three Ds have got me: Depression, Despair, Darkness. The darkness and depression are like old friends, but the despair is new.

It’s a kind of hopelessness, sort of a conviction that this is it, there’s no light in this tunnel, no improvement or salvation around the corner. Every day is just another step closer towards an inevitable finale.

There’s still some enjoyment along the way, it’s not non-stop pain. My kitties and my friends help, and I’m grateful for that.

Anyhow, that’s why there’s not been any activity here – nothing fun to post about.

So today is the three week anniversary, if you’re the sentimental type. Three weeks that my pneumonia and I have been together.

Wish I could say the time’s been glorious and wonderful, but it’s actually been exactly the opposite of that.

Yeah, pneumonia. I thought it was probably a cold at first, then as it kept getting worse I figured flu. By day 9 I was feeling absolutely dreadful so I went and saw the doctor, and she decided it was pneumonia.

10 days of expensive antibiotics later I was feeling maybe kind of sort of better. A bit. A few days on from that and I’m still taking OTC cold&flu pills to fight the symptoms. They don’t work great, but I tried not taking them and that was much worse.

After 21 days it’s starting to get hard to remember what it’s like not to be short of breath, not to be coughing all the time, not to feel exhausted after inconsequential things like getting dressed & ready for work.

I was really hoping to be feeling better by now too; the next couple weeks are going to be really busy at work and it’s going to flat out suck if I’m feeling like this the whole time.

This being-sick stuff really sucks.

After running down the symptoms I’m pretty sure my coughbugvirusflu thing is the flu.

It’s been over a week and I don’t feel any better at all. Still have a sore throat. Still feel it in my lungs. I wake up a half dozen times a night feeling like my lungs are full of cobwebs and clumps of wet dust.

Can barely talk. Exhausted, much more so than usual. The thought of doing anything at all just fills me with weariness.

My everything hurts.

I don’t think this so-called flu medicine is doing anything, but I’m afraid to stop taking it incase it is helping and stopping it would make things much worse.

Feeling like a wimp for being so badly whupped by this bug.

So anyways, the world didn’t end on December 21st. Or on the 31st. Or even on the 25th.

The whole apocalypse thing was a complete bust.

Everything just kept on keeping on, same as always.

It’s the one scenario I was completely unprepared for, too.

Now to top it off, I’ve got some kind of coldvirusbugflu thing that’s kicking the crap out of me. I’m feeling dead sick, dead tired, and the world continues to exist with all its demands and responsibilities.

Being sick and still having to face all the pressures that didn’t go away when the world didn’t end, is starting to slide me back into that dark pit of depression again. Not sure I ever got fully out of it, but for a little while there I wasn’t feeling it so heavily.

Hence the lack of updates here. Not counting this one.

So 06:12 came and went. The cats and I are still here. From what I can see out the windows, Brampton is still here. From what I can see on the internet, the rest of the world is still here.

Looks like we dodged a bullet there.

Admittedly there’s still some hope – maybe the end started at 06:12 but is on a slow burn. Maybe this is the little calm where we all breath a sigh of relief, right before POW!

Just in case, I’m staying on End-O-The-World-Watch for the rest of the day.

This is a wierd one.

Last night around 21:00 as I was on the computer, I noticed a sharp pain in my right side. Not all the way to the side, sort of halfway round from the very centre to the right side. At about the same altitude as the belly-button.

It was barely noticable when I sat still but if I started moving around, it was a very painful stabbing sensation. It also hurt if I took a deep breath, laughed or coughed.

Sort of felt a lot like a cracked or broken rib.

Wierd though since I was just using the computer and not beating myself about the torso with it, or juggling it whilst unicycling or anything like that.

In other words, WTF?

And it didn’t go away, either. When I went to bed, it was excruciating. I like to sleep on my side – on the right side there was tremendous pain as I was basically lying on it. On the left side, there was almost as much pain, I suppose from gravity pulling on it directly sideways or something.

I’m not well-versed in medical stuff and the only thing I can think of that’s on the right-hand side of the abdomen is the appendix. I’ve still gone mine, so I looked up symptoms of appendicitis. I don’t appear to have that though, my symptoms don’t match.

So I don’t know what to do about it. I finally fell asleep some time after 4am. When I got up at 7, the pain was still there. Now I’m at work and it’s still there.

I suppose I’ll leave it a day or so and see if it starts getting better on its own.

P.s. less than 21 hours to go in the end-o-the-world countdown!

Just an update on the end-of-the-world stuff.

I’ve read that the exact moment of the Solstice is apparently 11:12 UTC, which would put it at 06:12 here in the eastern standard timezone (aka Toronto, New York, etc.)

Clearly that’s way too early for a normal person to be intentionally awake, so my only chance of seeing the world end depends on my insomnia and sleep apnea.

Or I guess if the whole ending process takes more than a few minutes, then I can wake up in time to catch the third period.

Additionally, if you’re planning a big End-O-The-World party for Friday night, you’re either going to be celebrating the world not-ending, or you’re going to miss the whole thing. Depending on how it pans out.

Personally, I think I’ll raise a glass on Thursday night, and hug my kitties extra close.