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Ever have one of those days where people just really tick you off? Ever had a whole week full of those days? How about a month?
Like you pay your taxes, the gov’t cashes the cheque, then sends you a notice saying that they never got your payment so they’re charging you interest, and a fine, and you have 2 weeks to respond. So you call them up to try and sort it out, only to be told that your name isn’t on the ‘authorized contact list’ (it’s bizness taxes) and it’ll take a month to push the paperwork through before you’re allowed to talk to them. So you’re name & signature are good enough for sending them money, but when you need some help sorting out a problem, you’re SOL.
Then you have almost the same exact scenario with some company, only instead of not being allowed to talk to them, they have so many separate depts to handle each little thing and they don’t talk to each other. And their planet doesn’t have a concept for ‘we made a mistake’ so if anything did go wrong, it has to be your fault.
Or you order something on the internet and being impatient you select & pay for rush shipping. Only to find out after the fact that a) they didn’t price it right and rush would have cost them too much, so b) they shipped by pack-mule (ground), and c) they did it without telling you before-hand, and d) they didn’t tell you afterwards either, until you queried what was taking so long, and e) only after you called them out on this did they offer a refund for the express shipping, which f) they didn’t actually follow through on, and g) not only does the pack-mule take forever to cross 3000 miles but h) they put the wrong address on the waybill, so i) it takes even longer because after the pack-mule gets lost a few times they finally call and get the correct address, then j) they have to get the pack-mule from where the wrong address was to where the correct address is, which is a long way because k) their mistake on the address wasn’t a small one, it was entirely the wrong city, and l) there’s not a damn thing you can do but hope the thing shows up, eventually, someday.
Nameless faceless people you’ll never see or meet, who screw up on the job, but they never see any ramifications or punishment for their errors. You suffer for their errors, while they are oblivious.
I’m still depressed but I’m not feeling suicidal. I don’t know what the word is for how I’m feeling now. Best way to put it is, the end of the world can’t come soon enough for me. 2012, bring it on. I’ll have a drink in hand, put my feet up, and watch the show.
I dunno, maybe I just need a vacation from reality.
Time is speeding up and slowing down again. It seems like there’s all the time in the world, then I blink and a week has gone by.
And what a week! Or what a fortnight! It’s been a tumultuous week or two. I don’t remember if I’ve mentioned some of this stuff yet or not – short term memory is affected.
It all started when I got really low on my brain meds. See, the shrink had got me on these two drugs, cryptospam and wellbutrin. He’d give me a perscription that would last just long enough till the next time I’d see him, then he’d give me more.
Only this time, the staff lost my appointment, and the soonest they could schedule a new one was 6 weeks later. I’m like, well not only does that suck, but I’m going to run out of meds. He was very specific about me not missing even one dose. And they’re like, …
Literally – they had no comment. So I asked, could he contact the pharmacy and send in a renewal? Then they say, no that isn’t how it works. Go to the pharmacy and have them contact the doctor, that’s how it works.
So when I’m ready to need more, I go to the pharmacy and let them know and they fax the paperwork in. No worries. A few days later I run out, and go in, and ask for the renewal and they haven’t heard from the doctor yet. They fax it again. I leave.
Come back again a few days later. No word. They call. Can’t get through. I call. The staff don’t answer phones there, you have to leave a message, which they will ignore then call you back a day or two later and ask what you wanted. At one point the pharmacist gave me a couple pills, enough to get through the weekend, since we were all pretty sure things would be resolved soon.
A few days later, the resolution was still forthcoming.
Wow it was hard work getting home today! I live very close to the office, under 10km. Normally it takes me just a few minutes – most of my commute is actually spent at the drive-through coffee shop. Lately though… it’s making me crazy. There’s this one major thoroughfare that I don’t even have to drive on, I just cross it. But they’ve been tearing it up, laying it back down again, I don’t know what they’re actually doing. Maybe one side is done and they’re just flipping it over, one bit at a time.
Anyhow, so I’m trying to get home and trying to avoid the major intersections. I came through a residential area, side-streets, to cut across the main road where there’s a set of traffic lights, from one residential area to another. OMG what a mess.
At first I tried to be patient, calm, etc. but the minutes kept ticking past with hardly any movement. I could see a growing line of cars behind me. Eventually the line would scoot ahead a carlength, then stop a while longer. Finally after about a half hour I was near enough to see what was happening.
Whenever the lights went green for us, the construction crew would kick into action and move equipment infront of us. See, they were trying to minimize disruption to the main street, so when the main street had a red light, they’d go out into the intersection and do their thing.
Only, uh, WTF about the rest of the traffic? I mean ok, the lady with the stop/slow sign couldn’t see how huge the backlog of cars was – how could she, when she was so very careful not to turn around and look.
What was happening was now and then, when we had a green light, one or two cars would get a chance to sneak through. Then we’d miss 2 or 3 lights while they were dumping dirt, or pushing dirt, or pointing at dirt that needed to be pushed, or pointing at dirt that needed to be dumped.
WTF goes through their minds? I mean if they were going to effectively close the road, then just close the f-ing road! Don’t let it back up all the way to the next major intersection.
It’s a good word to describe how I feel, frequently. Fragile. I don’t mean physically fragile (although I do feel that way too at times.) I mean emotionally, mentally fragile. Like, easily-damaged, handle with care. Between the various stresses, the depression, the anti-depressants, feeling like I’m being pulled in a couple dozen different directions, and not often not having anyone I can talk to about everything. So I can talk here, right? Well, no, not always. See, anything posted in a blog or on a website is essentially published in a public forum. So there’s entire topics I can’t even touch upon here. I have to watch what I say.
These are difficult times. Between the economy and the ever-increasing pace of life, a lot of people are feeling the stress get to them. Knowing that, I will say that one of the dumbest ‘games’ people can get into is the Who’s Life Sucks More? game. Also known as the My Problems are Bigger Than Yours game, the My Hurt’s More Than Yours game, and the I’m the Most Depressed game. Any time you and your friend/family start playing these games (unintentionally or otherwise) there are no winners, only losers. Now, most people don’t play these games on purpose. Maybe the occasional person is compelled to one-up-manship. But typically if someone mentions to you how shitty their life is at the moment, they aren’t trying to win at anything, they might want some sympathy, but that’s about it. And if you tell someone how shitty your life is and they respond with how crappy their own life is, that probably isn’t a ‘challenge’ or ‘throwdown’. They could just be comiserating. As in “I know what you mean, my life sucks too.” — although if you’re already feeling like crap, it’s easy to misinterpret their response as them trying to belittle your pain by saying how much worse theirs is.
Ultimately, everyone’s personal pain is the worst pain there is. None of us can know what the other is going through.
I’m going to pop in the ‘read more’ button here and warn you, if you want to keep reading, it is going to get a tad dark as I allow myself to wallow around a bit in some self pity.