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Politeness versus the Assholes

Posted 2010.09.09 14.42 in Life On Drugs, Pointless Blather

Common courtesy, decency, and just simply being polite only really, really work when everyone plays by the same rules. You can have 10 people in any situation and even if 9 of them are decent, polite, courteous folk, it still only takes one asshole to piss off the rest and make it a bad day.

The asshole will get their way, get what they want, cut in line or do whatever it is that suits them best — and they will get away with it — simply because everyone else is too polite to make a fuss.

Well I’m sick of it. I’m tired of assholes taking advantage of me or walking all over me just because I’m too polite or too nice.

It sounds stupid but I wanna be an asshole too. I wanna be able to cut in line, barge infront of people, or generally act as if I’m the most important person around, and I wanna goddamnwell get away with it because everyone else is too polite to get involved or make a scene.

I’m not rich enough, attractive enough, or egotistical enough to successfully pull off the “I’m better than the rest of you losers” attitude. But I am unstable enough to pull off the “Mentally disturbed / slightly crazy / doesn’t know any better” deal.

Sigh.

Ok I don’t think I can really pre-emptively asshole my way through life. I just don’t have it in me. But I am pretty sure I can do it on a reactive basis. Next time someone tries to asshole their way ahead of me, I can pull the nucking-futters thing. At the very least, just to see what happens.

So if you see some jerk being an asshole then some middle-aged woman starts yelling and holding her head and twitching, let me know what you think. Or join in, it’ll be fun.

Wisdom Worth Repeating

Posted 2010.07.16 13.03 in Pointless Blather

Asshole-Class Drivers’ License

Posted 2009.11.09 15.13 in Pointless Blather

Through careful observation, I have come to the conclusion that there is a special classification of drivers’ license that one can apply for. It is the ‘Asshole’ class.

People who hold an ‘Asshole’ class drivers license don’t have to stop at stopsigns, they don’t need to use turn signals, they can speed or suddenly, randomly, brake with impunity. They can park wherever they like, including handicapped spaces and fire-routes, and they are permitted to drive on the paved shoulder and queue-jump where possible, because they are clearly more important than anyone else.

Should someone (say, for example, a police officer) actually question them on their driving habits they can cheerfully reply “It’s ok — I’m an Asshole!” and the officer will let them continue on their way.

I don’t beleive there are any special requirements or qualifications necessary either – if you want your Asshole class license, simply report to your nearest Ministry of Transportation office, stride up to the counter and announce in a loud, confident voice, “Hey you! I’m an Asshole and I’d like my special permit now!

The Ministry of Transportation staff will react accordingly.

I’d just like to see Asshole class permit holders be required to have a big “A” painted on the back of their cars (in brown paint, no?), so that we have some warning and can try and avoid them.