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Worst. Words. Ever.

Posted 2012.01.13 19.26 in Family/Friends

I’ve been trying to write this post for a couple days now. Every time I try, I end up putting a few words down, then my mind fills with dark clouds and nothing else comes out. Then I get a lump in my throat and something in my eyes and just give up. So to heck with it, this time I’ll just bash out what comes and let it go at that.

These are the worst words ever. Words you never want to hear from anyone you care about. Words that cut deep and go on hurting when you think about them. I’m talking about works like:

  • Recurred.
  • Metastisized.
  • Inoperable.
  • Terminal.

They hurt, they suck, and I keep thinking that there must have been an error somewhere. Somebody forgot to carry the four or something, because this just isn’t possible.

Except of course it’s possible. These things happen all the time, they can happen to anyone… it’s just never been someone so close before.

Try and be optomistic and sure, there’s still hope, still a possibility. Sort of. Maybe some new drug will come along, some new discovery might be made. Maybe. And hey, what if the doctor’s wrong?

Like they said at xkcd, fuck cancer. But whatever, I have to go: there’s something in my eyes.

Memorable Quotes

Posted 2010.06.17 18.17 in Family/Friends

“Colo-rectal cancer is a real pain in the ass.”
– my Dad

Tuesday Update

Posted 2010.06.16 8.34 in Family/Friends, Pointless Blather

(Yeah I know it’s Wednesday.)

So no posts for a week. Lots going on, or nothing going on. Or both. I’ve been so intensely exhausted lately, it’s getting increasingly difficult to function. I still get up and go to work, still do most of the stuff that has to be done, but otherwise, there’s no energy left over for anything else.

This world cup thing is on, 3 games a day now in the group stages. I’m cheering for England (till they get eliminated) and in games where England aren’t playing, I cheer for the underdog.

The big thing this week is tomorrow. My dad goes in for surgery to get his cancer removed. I’ll be taking him to the hospital (at 5am…) I haven’t spoken with him in a week or so, I don’t know how he’s doing, but I’m nervous. Haven’t been able to sleep much the last two nights. I’m sure things will work out fine, but I can’t help be concerned — it’s my dad, after all.

Uncategorizable Updates

Posted 2010.03.10 15.31 in Family/Friends

Uncategorizable because I don’t really know what sort of heading to use, or where to file them, or how to respond or react or what to do, really. Sometimes things happen and I guess reactions are deferred or just fail to trigger, because it’s either far enough outside the comfort-zone so as to be a bit un-processable, or gets lost somewhere between being startled and denial. Or, maybe I’m just a bad person and don’t know how to deal with stuff.

Anyhow, in the last month or so, my dad was diagnosed with cancer, but from the sound of it, they’ve found it early enough. There’s a lot of questions still. He’s going to have surgery to remove it, but first he might have chemo to shrink it, then radiation later. Or maybe there’ll be radiation first, and chemo after. Or maybe radiation and chemo first, and surgery later. As I said, lots of questions, particularily what’s and when’s.

Today they installed a valve in his arm so that they can plug the chemo in. I think they call it a pic line or a stint or something like that. 18 inches of tube though, they snaked in through a vein in his arm, leaving a little valve thingy on the outside. So he has that, but doesn’t know if they’re actually going to start the chemo this week, next week, come summertime, or whatever.

My dad seems fairly calm, but I’d like to have some of the whens and whats filled in.

The other wierdness is that my aunt has seemingly disappeared. She lives in BC so it’s not like we see her or speak with her too frequently, but from what I understand, she has vanished and been missing for several days now. My dad called the RCMP out in BC to ask them to start looking into the situation, but they have decided that she isn’t really missing.

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