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Evil Invisible Gnomes

Posted 2010.08.30 16.27 in DID, Life On Drugs, Pointless Blather by Stephanie

So last night while I was laying in bed, it suddenly occured to me that Ouch, normally the bedsheet does not cause me any pain in the knee. So why was my knee all sore and tender now?

Today I had a look and my knee is all black and blue and purple, like someone had at it with a stick or club or something.

Now I don’t recall any kind of beat-down, nor for that matter do I remember taking any unexpected trips to the ground. So this can only be the result of one thing:

Evil Invisible Garden Gnomes.

They’re sneaking into my house at night and beating me with sticks while I’m asleep.

I know they’re invisible because I can’t see any garden gnomes in the neighborhood when I look for them. And I surmise that they are evil because they’re invisible, and therefore they can be evil and get away with it.

Plus, if they were friendly or visible garden gnomes, I’d like to think they would sneak in and clean my house while I slept, rather than pummel me with blunt objects.

Here is photographic proof: You can clearly see that no friendly or visible garden gnomes exist. Therefore the only garden gnomes in this photo are the evil invisible variety. It is conclusive!

Efficient Land Use

Posted 2009.11.19 17.23 in Pointless Blather by Stephanie

Not long ago, I was driving through a part of town that I hadn’t been before. So I was looking around, sort of making note of what was around, so that I wouldn’t get lost.

At one point I passed a few guys standing around holding golf sticks, at the edge of a rather large open expanse of land – so I automatically figured, Golf Club. As I kept on driving, after a few moments there was a building and I figured it was the clubhouse. It was new, and rather modern-looking, with all angles and curves, so I thought, oh, it’s a funky new modern style golf club.

I couldn’t help notice though, that although they had a lot of land, it was fairly flat and boring, with almost nothing in the way of trees and water hazards and sand traps and stuff. But it was obviously new, and I don’t know anything about golf really.

I caught a glimpse of the name on the clubhouse, it was the something-or-other memorial something something chapel. Oh wait – that’s not a new golf club. It’s a new cemetary. So what were those guys doing with golfsticks?

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