With the summer heat finally kicking in, about a week or two ago I relented and turned on the A/C. The temperature was routinely in the mid-80′s and the occupants of my aquariums were starting to sweat and pant.

Yesterday though, I decided I’d had enough of air-conditioner air. I don’t like the smell of it. So I shut it down and opened all the windows. It got me thinking though… where does air-conditioner air come from?

Does it get sucked in from outside, chilled down, then blown into the house? Or is it air that’s already in the house, chilled then just blown around inside?

I suspect it’s the latter… recycled air.

What would be neat, like for the next big thing in air-conditioning, would be this: Inside the A/C unit would be a little wormhole-generator, and a strong fan. And when you turn it on, what it does is, it opens up a wormhole to Antarctica, and the fan cranks up and starts pulling in icy-cold Antarctic air. Fresh, pure, and cold!

There’d be a filter or something so that any penguins or scientific researchers that got accidentally drawn in through the wormhole would be safely extracted and ejected to land in the drive-way, so as not to end up clogging up the duct-work.

That’s what I want in an air-conditioner. Fresh, pure, icy-cold Antarctic air.

Actually we could use the same mini-wormhole technology in refridgerators too! They’d go back to being iceboxes, but instead of getting our ice from a guy making weekly deliveries, whenever the icebox detected it was low on ice, it’d open up a little wormhole and suck a hunk of ice in from the Antarctic ice sheets.

There’s a lot of great ways this kind of technology could be used. Maybe in the winter, you turn a dial and redirect the wormhole to somewhere hot and suck in hot air? Or suck in a glob of hot magma from deep under the Earth’s crust, then just draw outside air in over the magma glob, heating the air that then heats the house.

The possibilities are endless!

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. There’s one miracle medicine that totally fixes all the symptoms.

You know when the cold is just coming on and your throat is sore, it hurts to talk, you feel all achy and miserable? I have the cure.

I call it: Baileys Irish Cream.

See, the cream coats your throat and takes away the rawness, while the alcohol acts as a mild anaesthetic, numbing the pain in your throat, sinuses, and joints.

Ok so maybe it doesn’t cure the cold… but anyhow, it’s good stuff.

This is what Too Damn Cold looks like.

If this was my car, I’d go back indoors and hibernate a while more. Dial-A-Bottle and internet delivery groceries would be my salvation.

This year, more than others I can remember, I’m really feeling displeased about autumn.

And for the record, it’s Autumn, not “fall”. Fall is what you do after you trip. Leaves fall in Autumn. Fall is not a season. I don’t care if I’m wrong. It’s Autumn. So there.

Anyways. Every morning it seems to be darker out. And the wet, grey, miserable dampness… every morning it is harder to function. Harder to find the motivation to get up and out. And every day it gets a little colder. Last night I had to add another blanket to my bed, I was freezing!

As much as I love Canada, I just don’t think I’m cut out for the weather here. And as bad as autumn gets, it’s just the prelude to winter! That’s another reason I dislike autumn.

For that matter, I think the real problem is working for a living – I’m getting mighty tired of that too. I mean, if I didn’t have to be at work every day, then I wouldn’t have to get up in the cold/wet/grey/dark and wouldn’t have to worry about finding the motivation or energy to carry on. I could just hibernate through the winter, or at least, stay indoors, crank up the heat, and survive through take-out and delivery services. Sure I could venture out now and then, on the warmer days. But I’d wait till the sun was up and it was well and truly daylight. And I wouldn’t be out for long – just a quick dash for supplies, wine, toys or whatever, then hurry back to my warm cozy house.

Actually, if I’m going to daydream, why not daydream big? If I could do anything, have anything, live anywhere I wanted, I would move to a tropical island type place, like Waikiti – I would have a small 1-room appartment above or behind a clubhouse type bar. I would spend my days messing around on the water with boats, or buzzing around in bizzare flying machines, and my evenings would be wasted away relaxing in a big comfy easy chair, with some nice chilled German wines.

I probably wouldn’t live long, but I’d live well.

The initial symptoms of the H1N1 Avian Swine SARS Flu (note: may also be just the common cold) are as follows:

• Rapidly worsening pain at the back of the throat.
• Aching joints.
• Headache.
• Nausea.
• More dizziness than usual.
• Weakness / rapid loss of energy.
• Fever.

After 24 hours, the virus has found and invaded the lungs and sinuses. At this point, the patient may report a decrease or cessation of discomfort in the throat, while these new symptoms also present:

• Congestion in the sinuses.
• Fluid in the lungs.
• Difficult / laborious breathing.
• Coughing.

Treatment: The majority of the symptoms may be addressed through ingestion of coffee (double double is best) and the administration of large amounts of Baileys Irish Cream liquor. The cream coats and soothes the throat while the whiskey relaxes the muscles and reduces sensitivity to pain.

Also, some kind of medicine might help too.