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Best Before Conspiracy

Posted 2010.03.02 9.31 in Life On Drugs, Pointless Blather by Stephanie

When I’m at the grocery store, buying perishable products, I’m always careful to check the expiry dates (aka Best Before dates.) I can’t afford to throw food out so I’m always very careful not to buy short-dated stuff.

Especially milk (aka half-and-half creamer). Gotta have some widener in my coffee, or it’s all hot and black and uncreamy. So when I buy my coffee milk, I am very careful to check the date on the carton. The 10% stuff is usually good for 6 to 8 weeks, and I usually go through it in 10 days, so it’s almost never a problem. Nonetheless, I always check the dates.

(I also have other rules, such as I never take the first one or the last one… the first one is half-exposed to the unrefrigerated air in the grocery store, and the last one is suspect by virtue of hiding at the back, so I always take one from the middle.)

Anyhow, so I recently stumbled onto a new conspiracy with these so-called best before dates. See, I brought home a carton of coffee milk, and put it in my fridge. No big deal. The following morning I took the carton out, and was surprised to find that the best before date said the milk was going to expire in a week. I know it said it was good for a month, when I bought it.

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Teflon Conspiracy

Posted 2009.12.01 18.35 in Pointless Blather by Stephanie

You know how sometimes they sell pots and pans at the grocery store? So instead of having to go to a pots and pans store, you can just pick them up at the same place you get your food. It’s kind of convenient, although sometimes the grocery store pots and pans aren’t quite top-of-the-line.

Anyhow, so there’s this frying pan for sale, and it says its teflon coated. That’s good, nothing sticks to teflon. Healthy too since you use less (or no) cooking oil, and your food doesn’t stick.

Except, the advertising material that says how great the frying pan is, is printed on a label that they’ve stuck right in the middle of the frying pan! I mean, what the heck? There’s three things wrong with this:

  1. It means that before you can use the frying pan, you have to work like hell to get the stupid sticker off of it.
  2. Then you end up scratching up the pan as you try and get the damn sticker off, and now it’s no good.
  3. And if the frying pan was really teflon coated, then how’d they get the sticker to stick to it in the first place? Nothing sticks to teflon.

Which leads me to another question: If nothing sticks to teflon, then how do they get the teflon to stick to the fying pan? Shouldn’t the teflon just slide off the frying pan?

I think it’s all just a scam. There’s no such thing as teflon. It’s really a special kind of slime they harvest from the FryingPan Frog, native to the vast Saskatchewan Swamplands.

Zebrafish Strike Back!

Posted 2009.07.20 17.50 in Aquaria, Pointless Blather by Stephanie

Aquarium Diary, Entry # 28

Just when I thought hostilities may be drawing to a close, the Zebrafish have caught me off guard with a surprise counter-manoever.

All the while I’ve been worried about their legions of fry fighters, they have been secretly assembling an army of Dang Pond Snails! Physas and Planorbids by the dozen, if not by the hundred. Entire brigades of them. It is like someone detonated a pest-snail bomb in the aquarium.

Will probably take months to deal with them all. They are everywhere, eating algae, eating snail food, eating calcium, eating everything.

Won’t let my guard down again, this is a lesson learned. Zebrafish are craftier than I thought… it is disturbing.

Conspiracies Abound

Posted 2009.07.14 16.30 in Pointless Blather by Stephanie

Aquarium Diary, Entry # 22

Noticed today that my thermometers and clocks seem to be in cahoots, lying to me about the time and temperature. 70 degrees my ass, it’s freezing in here. And it can’t be 4pm, it was just noon a little while ago. If the calendars get involved in this, I’ll be in deep trouble…

Must be the zebra fish. They’ve gotten to the clocks and thermometers somehow. Don’t know how they did it… they’ve been spawning like crazy though, breeding an army of fry. Why do they need an army??

Note: look into fry evolution – can they out of aquarium & tinker with stuff?

Will be keeping my iPhone close at all times – if zebrafish get control of iPhonius, I’m doomed.