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About A Year Ago…

Posted 2015.07.04 12.34 in Family/Friends

This has been another really difficult post to write.

A little over a year ago, my dad went into the hospital for the last time.

From just before the end of June, over the Canada Day holiday and a few days after, I spent several days driving to Orangeville and back to visit him in the hospital.

We talked a lot, mostly about business, but also about family things, personal things.

As big a part as he played in my life, I still never really understood how important he was to me, until after he was gone.

Fathers day was a couple weeks ago, and it was difficult. Things have remained difficult as the anniversary of my dad’s hospitalization came, and that of his passing fast approaches.

This time last year, my dad wasn’t doing great, but he was in good spirits, and I could go and spend time with him, talk with him.

I really miss that.

And since then… the best way I can describe how I feel is like a ship without a rudder or sails.

Mare Maerori

Like last summer there was a huge storm, and I sort of rode it out, but when the wind and waves died down, I was still afloat, but adrift.

I’ve lost my guidance, my drive.

And I haven’t figured out how to get them back yet.

Fathers Day

Posted 2015.06.21 10.50 in Family/Friends

I was trying to write a post about how Father’s Day was the holiday that suckerpunched me, after not really feeling too much on the other holidays over this past year.

The words aren’t coming. It’s too difficult.

I miss my dad.

db_tg_013

p.s. Fuck cancer.

Quiet Month

Posted 2014.11.26 9.51 in Cats, Family/Friends

Almost the end of November and I haven’t posted anything yet.

Nothing to say I suppose.

Some health issues to deal with, and I still miss my dad.

Oh and one of my cats has been battling some sort of cancerous problem since last year, and it’s now catching up with her quickly.

Kind of in a holding pattern with her, every day wondering when the end will come.

Pixie at Rest

She’s started using the once-dreaded carrier box as a bed… getting acclimatized to it, for when it’s time for the final journey.

Now I haz a sad again.

Missed It

Posted 2014.10.07 20.23 in Family/Friends

Yesterday was the 6th of October, and I sort of missed it. It came and went and I didn’t really pay it any attention.

It was a fairly typical Monday, I had typical Monday things to do, and a small deadline that held my attention for most of the afternoon and early evening.

When the 6th of September came along, I was acutely aware of it. I knew it was the 6th. I knew the 6th was coming. The 6th of August started ok but then snuck up and caught me unawares, an emotional sneak attack.

This thing with the 6th started in July of course. The 6th of July was a terrible day, the culmination of a week and a half of terrible days.

Anyways, so yesterday marked 3 months. A quarter of a year. And it didn’t clue in, nothing really came up.

I guess this is that thing where time heals and all that stuff.

4k TV

Posted 2014.08.06 21.04 in Family/Friends

It’s been one month since my dad died.

I’ve been pretty much ok since then. Had a huge loud ugly cry a few hours after he died, then just got on with stuff.

Sure there’s been tears now and then. Reminiscing about him with my mum, for example. Going through some photographs. That sort of thing.

Then today I saw a blurb on the tv, the news channel doing some bit on the new 4k televisions that are going to make HDTV obsolete.

And that set me off.

My dad loved big tv. He had a crazy-huge tv, like 70 or 80 inches or something. He had mentioned 4k tv now and then, he was excited to see it when the price got down a bit.

And the realization that he missed it, he won’t get to see it, just made me hugely sad. Crazy little thing.

I hope wherever he is now, he’s got his 4k tv. And there’s no commercials on any of his channels.

This Concludes Our Broadcasting Day

Dad

Posted 2014.07.06 6.51 in Family/Friends

Dad

August 1938 – July 2014

Memorable Quotes

Posted 2010.06.17 18.17 in Family/Friends

“Colo-rectal cancer is a real pain in the ass.”
– my Dad