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Worst. Words. Ever.

Posted 2012.01.13 19.26 in Family/Friends

I’ve been trying to write this post for a couple days now. Every time I try, I end up putting a few words down, then my mind fills with dark clouds and nothing else comes out. Then I get a lump in my throat and something in my eyes and just give up. So to heck with it, this time I’ll just bash out what comes and let it go at that.

These are the worst words ever. Words you never want to hear from anyone you care about. Words that cut deep and go on hurting when you think about them. I’m talking about works like:

  • Recurred.
  • Metastisized.
  • Inoperable.
  • Terminal.

They hurt, they suck, and I keep thinking that there must have been an error somewhere. Somebody forgot to carry the four or something, because this just isn’t possible.

Except of course it’s possible. These things happen all the time, they can happen to anyone… it’s just never been someone so close before.

Try and be optomistic and sure, there’s still hope, still a possibility. Sort of. Maybe some new drug will come along, some new discovery might be made. Maybe. And hey, what if the doctor’s wrong?

Like they said at xkcd, fuck cancer. But whatever, I have to go: there’s something in my eyes.

Still Here

Posted 2010.07.05 9.16 in Life On Drugs, Pointless Blather

Well Canada Day came and went, as did the I’m-not-working-today-Friday, and then the weekend. Four-day weekends are nice. Very nice. Too nice. I could get used to that. No, I am used to that.

A huge thank-you to my friends and family who came to visit on Canada Day, and who helped out with so much stuff and in so many ways. I get to feeling like everyone else does all the work, all I do is provide a venue and a few snacks and things while everyone else makes it happen. Makes me feel guilty. Next year, either I wanna be healthy and energetic enough to actually throw the party, or I don’t want to do it at all.

Speaking of health… I ran out of cryptospam on Canada Day and took till yesterday to get my new perscription filled. I still haven’t taken it though, so going on four days since suddenly not having the anti-depressants in me.

At first it felt ok, there was a little boost of energy and my mood wasn’t too bad. Then the dizziness started, and the mood-swings, and now I’m just feeling listless and cruddy. Though I’m also at work, which may play a small part in that.

Sigh. I guess I’d better start taking it again, just in case.

Still no progress on the ‘Darkest Post’ stuff, just procrastination and denial.