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So Damn Tired

Posted 2011.12.21 20.00 in Pointless Blather

I’ve been trying for three or four days now to write a big long babbling post about some electronic jiggery-pokery stuff, but when I get home from work all I wanna do is sleep.

I sit and stare at the computer and my head’s full of words but before I can squeeze them out my fingertips into the keyboard, my eyes glaze over and it’s jnue4 just bed bed bed bed bed bed I wanna go to bed.

Just getting out this brief missive is probably the high-point of my evening.

Blah.

Munday…

Posted 2010.06.21 7.32 in Family/Friends, Pointless Blather

Not a fan of Monday – and the morning is especially unloved. Once I take over the world, I think I’ll extend the weekends to include Monday, so everyone gets a 3-day weekend.

Yesterday was Fathers’ Day. I went to the hospital to spend some time with my dad. He got through last week’s surgery ok, but he’s been in a lot of pain. It’s difficult to see him like that – I imagine it’s always hard for someone to see one of their parents all weakened and suffering. Looking ahead, hopefully he’ll be well enough to go home this week.

Also ahead, there’s like a week and a half till the end of the month and I’ve got a small mountain of work to get through by then. Between that and visits to the hospital et cetera, I’m already feeling all tapped out and exhausted.

In other mundane news, the world cup is into it’s 2nd week and England is acting like they’re homesick and want to get out of South Africa as quickly as possible. They just have to endure one more match on Wednesday then they can pack up and leave. Booooo. I don’t know who else to cheer for; I guess I’ll decide that on a match-by-match basis.

Right now I’m rooting for North Korea as they face Portugal… No particular reason other than I tend to root for the underdogs, and I like watching big upsets.

The Tired…

Posted 2010.04.18 15.22 in Pointless Blather

It is winning.

Just Once…

Posted 2009.06.29 9.08 in Pointless Blather

Just once I would like to wake up and feel refreshed and energetic. Just to see what it’s like. You hear these expressions, like “bright eyed and bushy tailed” or “rise and shine”… ¬†they have no meaning for me. And I have expressions that probably are meaningless to most people, like “I have blear in my eyes.”

I have insomnia and sleep apnea, so it takes me forever to fall asleep then when I do manage to get to sleep, I don’t get much rest. I wake feeling exhausted. By the time I’ve gotten up and washed and dressed and everything, I’m ready for a nap. I’m usually not fully consious till mid-morning. I drive to work with half-open eyes, yawning incessantly, then sit here staring at the computer with my eyes trying to roll back into my head, my brain locked in alpha-wave mode, and wonder why I just can’t get in gear, for the 10,000th day in a row.

If Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is real, I’ve had it for 20+ years. It’s like someone put one of my batteries in backwards and I’m perpetually running with only half power. Now and then there are little bursts of energy, alertness. But they’re few and far between, and typically short-lived.

Tired. It’s not just a feeling, it’s a way of life.