I’m not much of a fighter. I believe in what I think is right, but I detest conflict of any kind. Often, I find it easier to just go along with things rather than put up a show of resistance.

The cryptospam has been fighting the darkness for me, but lately its been losing the battles, like its getting tired, or the darkness is getting stronger.

I try and distract myself quite a bit, with snails, cameras, pointless blather. It works more or less, but is definately just a temporary measure. No matter what, at the end of the day, night always falls. And then all that’s left is to wait and hope that dawn will come again.

Sometimes though, I wonder if fighting is the answer. If it might not be better to just embrace the darkness and despair, take it, hold it, own it, make it mine. Then maybe I’d be in control of it, rather than running from it or hiding from it. Though that sounds like a scary journey, and I don’t know if I’m up for it.

Still, doing nothing doesn’t seem like a good choice either. Things are feeling less real, different. My skin doesn’t feel like my skin any more. My hair feels fake. My eyes look different.

Logically I ‘know’ that the more-likely explanation is the only thing that is changing is my perception, but perception guides experience and vice versa. Right or wrong, if you can’t trust your senses, then you no longer know what’s real.

I don’t know what to do about it all.

So a week ago I found baby snails in my aquarium. I was all surprised because my snails lay eggs and there had been no eggs – not even any mating. Consensus was that the trio of babies had hitch-hiked in on a plant or something. It happens.

But then, I kept finding more of them. And more of them. The count stands at eight now, and they are not all the same size. Most are about 3.5mm in diameter, but two are runts, half that size. Something just didn’t seem to add up.

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This is the false HPLX.

It has the motherboard of *my* HPLX but the case is all wrong.

Just look at it! You can tell it’s mocking me. Taunting me. It tries to look correct, tries to fit in.

Late at night when I should be asleep, I just know that…thing…is in my purse or on my desk.. just…sitting there.

I *have* to fix the old case and make things right.