So I had to meet the dental surgeon this morning…  folks have been telling me to get my wisdom teeth out, and I finally worked up the courage to go and meet the guy for a consultation. You know, a quick look, then find out how bad it was going to be, how much it was going to hurt and how much it was going to cost.

I should have known better.

Right away, he knew about the microfilm hidden in my top-left wisdom tooth. Either he has great eyes, or he was tipped off. So he says he’s going to take that tooth right away! Next thing I know, I’m in The Chair, in The Room, and they’re hooking me up to a machine.

While they left me for a few minutes to contemplate my fate, I realized they hadn’t searched me – I still had my iPhone with me! I immediately texted my sister, asking her for help: contact agent Bauer, send in the rescue team get me out of there!

By now, the surgeon’s staff had realized their mistake. They activated the x-ray machine, disrupting my iPhone’s GPS, so my sister couldn’t get my coordinates. That’s when they came at me with the needles.

…

The rescue team never turned up. I lost the tooth, they got the microfilm, and now they know the secret plans and the location of the gold. Plus, I’m “experiencing discomfort” and feeling grumpy.

Yeah I’m addicted. I couldn’t resist. I adopted two more snailies, a pair of wee little golden snails. They’re somewhere between dime-sized and nickle-sized.

This one was busy moving the plaster puck feeder when Speed Racer decided to bid a big friendly Welcome! by jumping on the puck and trying to smush the poor little gold snail.

Read more »

Lately there seem to be a lot of ads on TV for places offering to pay you money if you send them your broken gold. Broken gold? WTF is broken gold? Is it worth less per ounce if it’s broken? I don’t think so. These guys are just going to melt it down anyways, so what the heck?

I think they are preying on ignorance and desperation, and I think it puts a bad taste in my mouth.

This probably goes in the ‘impossible never happen’ files, but I’d like to see honesty in advertising. Yeah I know they can’t outright lie, but they certainly can manipulate. Perhaps that is the whole point of advertising? Manipulation?

Hi there, I’m On TV, and I’ll pay you pennies on the dollar for your damaged jewelery because it’s old or damaged. In these difficult economic times, I know that people are desperate and waving a little cash around on your TV screen helps to dull your judgement and senses. So, send me those dusty old heirlooms your great grandmother carried all the way from the old country, send me that silly sentimental jewellery your spouce gave you, and I’ll melt it down and sell it for US$937 per ounce!

Yeah that’s what your old dusty broken gold is worth at the time of this writing: US$937 per ounce. You can find the price at the time of this reading, by following this link: GoldPrice.org

The difficult economic times won’t last forever. Don’t let the vultures manipulate you into thinking you’ll get rich by giving them irreplacable jewellery. Maybe I’m too sentimental, but really – if you have to sell something to get some short-term relief, get rid of the mass-produced consumer objects. Sell the TV or the car if you can, take public transit and use the library. Your great grandmother will thank you.