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It Doesn’t Have To Be Tinfoil

Posted 2009.11.29 13.56 in Life On Drugs, Pointless Blather by Stephanie

The hat, that is.

You see, any kind of hat will help prevent them from seeing your thoughts. I have figured it out.

When you think, it tickles the hair follicles that are rooted in the outer layer of the brain. This causes the hair to vibrate imperceptibly at a very high frequency. The frequency is phase modulated as your thought patterns change.

They can read this from space, with their high-power sattelite cameras and a computer algorythm that converts the phase modulated hair frequency back into patterns that they use to know what you are thinking about.

So the hat – doesn’t have to be tinfoil. Just any old hat will do. You see, the hat dampens the follicular frequency vibrations, preventing your hair from telegraphing your thoughts to anyone watching.

Being indoors won’t help, their technology can see through windows. Only a hat, or really anything that you wear directly on the head, that is in contact with the hair, will save you.

I’m not saying tinfoil doesn’t help, just that it’s not strictly speaking necessary, if you just want to prevent them from reading your thoughts. There are other things tinfoil is good for.

So play safe, wear a hat.