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Progress

Posted 2013.07.10 10.57 in Pointless Blather, Spiritual

So I know I’ve been rather quiet and un-bloggy lately and I now realize that from the other side of the screen, there’s no way to tell really if I’m hiding because things are really bad, or just busy because things are good.

It’s been a while since I made the No Progress post, and the biggest difference is that there’s actually been some progress.

Things aren’t all perfect, it’s not all hugs and kitties, but the oppressive soulcrushing depression has been beaten back and I’ve gotten myself busy with some projects which may or may not prove fruitful.

Interestingly, what changed was not as a result of drugs or pills. I stopped taking the HTP-5. The Melatonin worked for a while (but only when I really overdid it, eg. 20mg would knock me out, but the ‘normal’ dose of 3mg would not.) I ended up stopping with the Melatonin as well; after a few weeks I found I could fall asleep without it.

What seemed to catalyse the change was that I listened to the advice of several friends and tried getting back into some of the “spiritual stuff” that I had been ignoring for some time.

Paths

So with a little prayer, a little magic, and a little help from the Goddess and God, the darkness has been swept back under the rug and I’m currently doing ok.

I say ‘swept under the rug’ because the darkness isn’t gone. It’s just hidden away for now. Hopefully, I’ll be better-able to deal with it next time it starts creeping out into view.

Project: 1, Drugs: 0

Posted 2009.09.28 13.10 in Life On Drugs, Pointless Blather, Work

It’s funny, how suddenly things can change course. The cryptospam wasn’t working, wine wasn’t helping, and in the last few days even things like my hobbies (photography, snails, etc) had very suddenly lost their interest. Then Pow! things are all different. What was the catalyst? What kicked in? I bought a notebook. No not the computer kind, an actual notebook / notepad. 250 pages, lined both sides. And some pens, don’t forget the pens.

A pad and some pens, in and of themselves, are of course quite meaningless and banal. It’s what they represent, that is key. A clean, fresh, brand-new notepad and some brand-new pens, are symbolic for the start of a brand-new project. A project big and important enough to merit its very own notebook.

Now, lately work has not got me excited whatsoever. And this is not surprising, as lately work has just been the same old drudgery and toil. Bang the rocks together. Make big rocks into little rocks. Metaphorically speaking, of course. There is little to be excited about, in administration, tech support, maintenance, same-old day-in day-out grind.

Projects though, projects are big-time. Well, big projects are, anyways. Projects big enough to get their own notebook are super-big-time!

As projects go, this one doesn’t even have any guarantee of pay – it’s all speculative. But money doesn’t matter – I mean, money is nice and all, but it’s not a goal, just a means. This project has actually been bouncing around for several months, but it was not fully concieved, it was not ready. Now it is. Now it has a real deadline and schedule and meetings and it’s important. So, I got my notebook, I got some pens, and I started writing. The first page, a checklist of what needs to be done. First page off the top of my head, the start. What do I need to do right now, and when does it need to be done by?

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single trip to Staples to get a new notebook.

And some pens.

Don’t forget the pens.