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Asshole-Class Drivers’ License

Posted 2009.11.09 15.13 in Pointless Blather by Stephanie

Through careful observation, I have come to the conclusion that there is a special classification of drivers’ license that one can apply for. It is the ‘Asshole’ class.

People who hold an ‘Asshole’ class drivers license don’t have to stop at stopsigns, they don’t need to use turn signals, they can speed or suddenly, randomly, brake with impunity. They can park wherever they like, including handicapped spaces and fire-routes, and they are permitted to drive on the paved shoulder and queue-jump where possible, because they are clearly more important than anyone else.

Should someone (say, for example, a police officer) actually question them on their driving habits they can cheerfully reply “It’s ok — I’m an Asshole!” and the officer will let them continue on their way.

I don’t beleive there are any special requirements or qualifications necessary either – if you want your Asshole class license, simply report to your nearest Ministry of Transportation office, stride up to the counter and announce in a loud, confident voice, “Hey you! I’m an Asshole and I’d like my special permit now!

The Ministry of Transportation staff will react accordingly.

I’d just like to see Asshole class permit holders be required to have a big “A” painted on the back of their cars (in brown paint, no?), so that we have some warning and can try and avoid them.