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Still Not Dead…

Posted 2016.04.16 13.08 in Life On Drugs by Stephanie

… but definitely still broken in one way or another.

The ‘brief intermission‘ has lasted a lot longer than I thought it would. Sorry.

One of my thousand ‘minor issues’ has been gradually working its way up into being a ‘major’ problem. I’m literally watching the clock counting down the hours till my next appointment at the community nurse clinic, to see if they can do something about the bleeding.


Next week it’s into the hospital for some diagnostic imaging, and then with some luck there’ll be surgery in the next month or two, then maybe, maybe, I can start feeling slightly better again.

Totally unrelated to all that, I broke one of my toes back on the vernal equinox. The right fifth proximal phalanges if my estimation and spelling are correct. Aka the first bone in my right pinky toe.

It was super sucky the first day, then kind of interesting for the rest of the week, but tomorrow will mark the end of 4 weeks and I’m quite frankly bored with it now. It’s still tender and a bit swollen and sore.


Probably doesn’t help that Misha tripped me earlier in the week and I slightly re-hurt it. (Possibly the first bit of bad luck I’ve had from a black cat crossing my path!)

Update: The bleeding got stopped but things are still crappy. I’m seeing the nurses every 48 hours, 7 days a week, for the forseeable future. On the one hand that feels like it’s not often enough, and on the other hand it feels like it’s already taking up too much of what little useful energy I have.

Free! ish.

Posted 2011.09.29 22.48 in Pointless Blather by Stephanie

So this morning, the last of my IV medicine was pumped into my arm. Then the nurse came and the idea was to unplug me, remove the tubes and pointy things, and generally that would be the end of lugging those annoying IV pumps around everywhere.

Well, she did unhook the pumps, and most of the tubes. But she didn’t think my leg had healed enough yet. I’m seeing my doctor tomorrow anyways, and my doctor has already given me a bunch of pills to take over where the IVs left off, but nonetheless, the nurse was uncertain.

So she decided to leave the pointy thing in my arm, with just a few inches of tube, and a little cork (so to speak) on the end of it. If my doctor felt that the IV was not needed, then my doctor could remove it. If she decides that more IV medicine is needed, then they could try using that existing tube.

I was unenthusiastic about this plan. For one thing, that IV has been in for 6 days now and the nurse even said it might not be good much longer. Especially if there’s nothing running on it for 24+ hours to keep it open.

So why leave it there?

I wasn’t thrilled with how she corked and taped it either. It stuck out a bit and kept catching on my sleeve. And the actual end that a new tube would go into, she didn’t cover at all – so it could collect lint and stuff from my shirt.

By the end of the day, I had been to work for a few hours then come home, and somewhere along the way I did catch it on something which gave a tug and hurt. Then my arm got really itchy and I decided that I’d had enough.

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Mr. Blue, Mr. Grey [U]

Posted 2011.09.26 9.13 in Life On Drugs, Pointless Blather by Stephanie

Time to meet my two constant companions, who’ve been with me for the past seven days.

Messers Blue and Grey

Mr. Grey is not too bad, he’s smaller, a lightweight, and more managable. On his own, he’s fairly easy to handle. Mr. Blue on the other hand is bigger, and while not much heavier,  he’s more of a handful to keep track of. It’s the bulk, I think.

Mr. BluePresently, the final two IV bags that were prescribed last week will be installed into my two friends here. Today I need to find a doctor to make the call as to whether those last two hits of drugs will be enough. Will my two companions be leaving me tomorrow? Or will another RX be issued, so my Blue and Grey comrades can remain with me even longer?

Mr. GreyI’ll try my regular doctor first, and see if she will make the call. Otherwise, it’s back to the hospital (and the long wait that will entail) to get someone to decide what course to take.

To be honest, I won’t be sorry to see these two nylon fellows leave. They have a job to do, of course, but they are so clingy and demanding.

Naturally, I have gotten to know them over the course of the week. Not intimately mind you – it’s quite easy to ignore the urge to take things apart, when said things are directly wired into your bloodstream and are playing an important role in maintaining your health. I’ve even refrained from button-pressing. Mostly.

Through simple observation, I have figured how to reload them – removing the empty bag, spiking a fresh bag, resetting the reservoir volume counter. That came in handy yesterday when the nurse didn’t come by, and I suspect it will come in handy again today as well.

One ought to be proactive in one’s own healthcare matters.

Update: sounds like my friends will be staying an extra two days. Instead of parting ways tomorrow, they’ll be hanging around until Thursday.

Cure for the Common Cold

Posted 2010.03.30 18.53 in Pointless Blather by Stephanie

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. There’s one miracle medicine that totally fixes all the symptoms.

You know when the cold is just coming on and your throat is sore, it hurts to talk, you feel all achy and miserable? I have the cure.

I call it: Baileys Irish Cream.

See, the cream coats your throat and takes away the rawness, while the alcohol acts as a mild anaesthetic, numbing the pain in your throat, sinuses, and joints.

Ok so maybe it doesn’t cure the cold… but anyhow, it’s good stuff.

Routine Lapses of Judgement

Posted 2009.07.16 10.41 in DID, Pointless Blather by Stephanie

I was going to call this post “Temporary Stupidity” but that just felt a wee bit too harsh. And not entirely accurate, really.

It’s  just that, sometimes I forget about consequences. Nothing huge mind you, like destroying the world because you think it would look cool, but then afterwards remembering that the world is where you kept all your stuff. Little things, and especially little things that can lead to pain or injury. Like, with my knife and sword hobby, it’s very easy to get all interested in playing with knives or swinging swords around, and temporarily forget that a razor-sharp knife might not be the best thing to practice fancy knife-twirling with, or momentarily fail to consider that accidentally swinging the sword into the coat-tree will result in most of one’s favorite jackets and sweaters ending up in need of emergency stitching (or replacement).

Read on for more – but warning, it might will get strange or and icky.

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Posted 2009.03.10 0.00 in DID, Pointless Blather by Stephanie

So much going on, so little posting about it.

So I had a CAT scan last week. (CAT scan? CT scan? Whatever it was, no cats were harmed in the process.) They fed me into a giant whining machine and examined my head – a process which some will feel was long overdue.

The head-exam was ostensibly to see if there is a cause to the short sharp stabbing headaches I have been getting in the back of my head. It feels a lot like someone stabbing the back of my head, but when I check there’s noone there, so it could be a medical thing. I can’t help but wonder, however, what else they might find. Certainly there’s lots of things that it would be interesting to explain – could they find a reason for….

  • my depression?
  • my insomnia?
  • the constant ringing in my ears?
  • my sometimes-‘quirky’ behavior?
  • my prosopagnosia?
  • the odd compulsions I get sometimes?
  • the occasional self-destructive tendancies?
  • the way I don’t feel like I relate to anyone and don’t understand normal human emotions or behavior?
  • any of the other neuological oddities I’ve presented over the last 20 – 25 years?

Or will they find….nothing at all?

I know, ha-ha-ha they looked in my head and there was nothing there. Seriously though, for most of the other problems I’ve got, they can’t find any explanation. So why would any of this be different? Short stabbing headaches in the back of my head, might just be a normal natural thing for me. Who knows?

But then, if they do find something what will it be? A tumor? A mystrious ‘dark area’ that they can’t explain? Demons? A tiny alien controlling me? Worms?

Then I wonder, if they do find something, who’s to say they will tell us? The way these things work here is a technician runs the machine, he sees the pictures but is not allowed to tell the patient/subject what he sees and the patient/subject is not allowed to see the pictures. The pictures then go to an ‘expert’ who looks at them, and without any direct access or information from the patient, the ‘expert’ decides how to interpret the pictures. Then they type up a written report and send that to the doctor, so the doctor also doesn’t see the pictures. Then the doctor reads the report and files it away then tells the patient (paraphrases) what was in the report. At any step along the way, they could just decide there’s nothing noteworthy. So if there are demons or tiny aliens or worms or a mysterious dark patch, they could just say there’s nothing, or it’s inconclusive. So if the report is that there’s nothing, or it’s inconclusive, how do I know that’s really the case? It’s quite possible that the tech or the ‘expert’ is in on it!

Realisticly though, what do I hope they find / what do I want to learn? I mean, if it’s a tumor (or demons or aliens or worms) then what? This is a whole different philosophical area for me. What makes me, me? If I am who I am because of some wierdness going on in my noggin, then if they fix the wierdness will I still be me?

Being me has some downsides (see the list above) but there are some cool things too, I think. Would I risk losing the good things, to get rid of the bad? That’s a question I don’t have an answer to. Though if I had to make a snap decision, right now I’d probably say no. Take the good and the bad together and stick with what I know.

So in that case, then what’s really at stake is not fixing things, but just understanding them – getting the why’s. And ultimately I think that is what I’m about – understanding, learning.

There – I feel better now, I’ve resolved something. Take care, be well, stay sane.

Still Waiting For My Super-Powers…

Posted 2008.06.06 0.00 in Pointless Blather by Stephanie

I got injected with radiation last month! I was in a lab and they had a tiny little syringe that was delivered in a great big lead box. They stuck it in my hand and pumped radiation into me. (Side note – radiation is slightly cool and you can feel it travelling up your arm.)

After getting irradiated, there was a thing like a giant photocopier that I got (slowly) slid in and out of, while big chunky sensors called “Gamma Cameras” detected the radiation.

It was pretty freaky, you could just go and stand next one of these “Gamma Cameras” and it would start picking up the fuzzy glow of radiation emanating out of me.

I forgot to ask how long I’d be radio-active for, but it’s been a few weeks now, so I’m probably safe. Still no sign of any super-powers though, which is dissapointing. I was hoping to be able to fly, or at least teleport. Laser vision would not be unwelcome, either.

The “Power to Imprint Images on Gamma Cameras” is ok I guess, but I think it has a pretty limited range of usefulness. And it’s a mouthfull – by the time you’ve said it, the bad guys have already finished their Evil Plan and escaped.

Come to think of it, I don’t think the bad guys would be all too impressed anyhow. Unless they had some Gamma Cameras that they needed to keep in an unused and pristine condition. Maybe you can’t get a refund on them if they’ve been used… they’d be back at Henry’s or Blacks, they’d have the receipt and everything, trying to return the Gamma Cameras, and the store manager would be all like “Sorry, this camera’s been used. I can’t give refunds on used equipment.” And they’d be all “We didn’t use it! Curses – it was that masked heroine with her ability to imprint images on gamma cameras! She foiled our plan!” and the store manager would try and smile in a sympathetic but noncommittal way, while gradually edging back away from the conversation.

So take heed, troublemakers! Abandon your treachery, or I will come and seep radiation on your gamma cameras, preventing you from returning them for full refund! Ha ha!

Yeah ok, it’s a slow week and my mind has been wandering. Laser vision would have been really cool, though.