I was going to call this post “Temporary Stupidity” but that just felt a wee bit too harsh. And not entirely accurate, really.

It’s  just that, sometimes I forget about consequences. Nothing huge mind you, like destroying the world because you think it would look cool, but then afterwards remembering that the world is where you kept all your stuff. Little things, and especially little things that can lead to pain or injury. Like, with my knife and sword hobby, it’s very easy to get all interested in playing with knives or swinging swords around, and temporarily forget that a razor-sharp knife might not be the best thing to practice fancy knife-twirling with, or momentarily fail to consider that accidentally swinging the sword into the coat-tree will result in most of one’s favorite jackets and sweaters ending up in need of emergency stitching (or replacement).

Read on for more – but warning, it might will get strange or and icky.

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So much going on, so little posting about it.

So I had a CAT scan last week. (CAT scan? CT scan? Whatever it was, no cats were harmed in the process.) They fed me into a giant whining machine and examined my head – a process which some will feel was long overdue.

The head-exam was ostensibly to see if there is a cause to the short sharp stabbing headaches I have been getting in the back of my head. It feels a lot like someone stabbing the back of my head, but when I check there’s noone there, so it could be a medical thing. I can’t help but wonder, however, what else they might find. Certainly there’s lots of things that it would be interesting to explain – could they find a reason for….
  •  my depression?
  •  my insomnia?
  •  the constant ringing in my ears?
  •  my sometimes-’quirky’ behavior?
  •  my prosopagnosia?
  •  the odd compulsions I get sometimes?
  •  the occasional self-destructive tendancies?
  •  the way I don’t feel like I relate to anyone and don’t understand normal human emotions or behavior?
  •  any of the other neuological oddities I’ve presented over the last 20 – 25 years?

Or will they find….nothing at all?

I know, ha-ha-ha they looked in my head and there was nothing there. Seriously though, for most of the other problems I’ve got, they can’t find any explanation. So why would any of this be different? Short stabbing headaches in the back of my head, might just be a normal natural thing for me. Who knows?

But then, if they do find something what will it be? A tumor? A mystrious ‘dark area’ that they can’t explain? Demons? A tiny alien controlling me? Worms?

Then I wonder, if they do find something, who’s to say they will tell us? The way these things work here is a technician runs the machine, he sees the pictures but is not allowed to tell the patient/subject what he sees and the patient/subject is not allowed to see the pictures. The pictures then go to an ‘expert’ who looks at them, and without any direct access or information from the patient, the ‘expert’ decides how to interpret the pictures. Then they type up a written report and send that to the doctor, so the doctor also doesn’t see the pictures. Then the doctor reads the report and files it away then tells the patient (paraphrases) what was in the report. At any step along the way, they could just decide there’s nothing noteworthy. So if there are demons or tiny aliens or worms or a mysterious dark patch, they could just say there’s nothing, or it’s inconclusive. So if the report is that there’s nothing, or it’s inconclusive, how do I know that’s really the case? It’s quite possible that the tech or the ‘expert’ is in on it!

Realisticly though, what do I hope they find / what do I want to learn? I mean, if it’s a tumor (or demons or aliens or worms) then what? This is a whole different philosophical area for me. What makes me, me? If I am who I am because of some wierdness going on in my noggin, then if they fix the wierdness will I still be me?

Being me has some downsides (see the list above) but there are some cool things too, I think. Would I risk losing the good things, to get rid of the bad? That’s a question I don’t have an answer to. Though if I had to make a snap decision, right now I’d probably say no. Take the good and the bad together and stick with what I know.

So in that case, then what’s really at stake is not fixing things, but just understanding them – getting the why’s. And ultimately I think that is what I’m about – understanding, learning.

There – I feel better now, I’ve resolved something. Take care, be well, stay sane.

I got injected with radiation last month! I was in a lab and they had a tiny little syringe that was delivered in a great big lead box. They stuck it in my hand and pumped radiation into me. (Side note – radiation is slightly cool and you can feel it travelling up your arm.)

After getting irradiated, there was a thing like a giant photocopier that I got (slowly) slid in and out of, while big chunky sensors called “Gamma Cameras” detected the radiation.

It was pretty freaky, you could just go and stand next one of these “Gamma Cameras” and it would start picking up the fuzzy glow of radiation emanating out of me.

I forgot to ask how long I’d be radio-active for, but it’s been a few weeks now, so I’m probably safe. Still no sign of any super-powers though, which is dissapointing. I was hoping to be able to fly, or at least teleport. Laser vision would not be unwelcome, either.

The “Power to Imprint Images on Gamma Cameras” is ok I guess, but I think it has a pretty limited range of usefulness. And it’s a mouthfull – by the time you’ve said it, the bad guys have already finished their Evil Plan and escaped.

Come to think of it, I don’t think the bad guys would be all too impressed anyhow. Unless they had some Gamma Cameras that they needed to keep in an unused and pristine condition. Maybe you can’t get a refund on them if they’ve been used… they’d be back at Henry’s or Blacks, they’d have the receipt and everything, trying to return the Gamma Cameras, and the store manager would be all like “Sorry, this camera’s been used. I can’t give refunds on used equipment.” And they’d be all “We didn’t use it! Curses – it was that masked heroine with her ability to imprint images on gamma cameras! She foiled our plan!” and the store manager would try and smile in a sympathetic but noncommittal way, while gradually edging back away from the conversation.

So take heed, troublemakers! Abandon your treachery, or I will come and seep radiation on your gamma cameras, preventing you from returning them for full refund! Ha ha!

Yeah ok, it’s a slow week and my mind has been wandering. Laser vision would have been really cool, though.