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A New Day

Posted 2010.01.27 17.54 in Pointless Blather by Stephanie

I’m not over the “flu” yet, but I’m feeling much better. Even parts of me that were feeling unwell before the “flu” are feeling better now.

I feel like the ‘big purge’ that was the first twenty-four hours of “flu” was actually my body expelling negative energies. Once all the negative energies were gone, I just had to recover from the effort and trauma of getting rid of them.

Now I find myself smiling and joking, focusing on my work, singing a bit, and generally feeling good — feeling positive, almost. Granted, I also continue to talk to myself, argue with myself, and hear a nonstop whistling noise everywhere I go.

There’s still dizziness and all the aches and pains I aquired over the weekend when I was “sick”, but then other, chronic aches and pains seem to be going away.

I’ve even found that some of my temptations and indulgences no longer interest me.

Don’t know if this is permanent or how long it might last, but I hope it lasts a good long while.

It feels like a whole new day.


Posted 2009.08.03 14.23 in Family/Friends, Life On Drugs, Pointless Blather, Uncategorized by Stephanie

It’s a good word to describe how I feel, frequently. Fragile. I don’t mean physically fragile (although I do feel that way too at times.) I mean emotionally, mentally fragile. Like, easily-damaged, handle with care. Between the various stresses, the depression, the anti-depressants, feeling like I’m being pulled in a couple dozen different directions, and not often not having anyone I can talk to about everything. So I can talk here, right? Well, no, not always. See, anything posted in a blog or on a website is essentially published in a public forum. So there’s entire topics I can’t even touch upon here. I have to watch what I say.

These are difficult times. Between the economy and the ever-increasing pace of life, a lot of people are feeling the stress get to them. Knowing that, I will say that one of the dumbest ‘games’ people can get into is the Who’s Life Sucks More? game. Also known as the My Problems are Bigger Than Yours game, the My Hurt’s More Than Yours game, and the I’m the Most Depressed game. Any time you and your friend/family start playing these games (unintentionally or otherwise) there are no winners, only losers. Now, most people don’t play these games on purpose. Maybe the occasional person is compelled to one-up-manship. But typically if someone mentions to you how shitty their life is at the moment, they aren’t trying to win at anything, they might want some sympathy, but that’s about it. And if you tell someone how shitty your life is and they respond with how crappy their own life is, that probably isn’t a ‘challenge’ or ‘throwdown’. They could just be comiserating. As in “I know what you mean, my life sucks too.” — although if you’re already feeling like crap, it’s easy to misinterpret their response as them trying to belittle your pain by saying how much worse theirs is.

Ultimately, everyone’s personal pain is the worst pain there is. None of us can know what the other is going through.

I’m going to pop in the ‘read more’ button here and warn you, if you want to keep reading, it is going to get a tad dark as I allow myself to wallow around a bit in some self pity.

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