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No Surprise

Posted 2010.01.13 20.08 in Pointless Blather, Uncategorized by Stephanie

So I was feeling a little more out-of-place than usual, a little more wierd, less normal, and somehow that got my mind thinking about Aspergers again.

There’s lots of different online tests and quizzes, and I’ve taken many of them over the past few years. I found one that seemed particularily good today, which was quite long and evaluated a number of different things, with some questions measuring for Aspie traits and some measuring NT (neuro-typical) traits, and others being either irrelevant or set to gauge authenticity / honesty of the subject.

In the end, it gives you two scores – how you rate as an Aspie, and how you rate as an NT.

My outcome (as seen in the above screen-grab) really comes as no surprise. The graph takes a bit to figure out, but essentially they measure six areas on a 1 to 10 scale, for both Aspie and NT response. High scores on the Aspie side and low scores on the NT side… yeah.

Oh and incase it isn’t obvious, the scores don’t indicate if you are good or bad in a particular area, only how much or how little your responses in the given area correlate to either NT or Aspie baselines. Eg. the ‘talent’ and ‘compulsion’ headings don’t mean I’m massively talented or massively compulsive, only that the way I express my talents and/or compulsions are very Aspie and very non-normal. Conversely, my ‘low scores’ in both sides of perception don’t mean I’m imperceptive, just that the way I perceive things is neither normal or terribly Aspie.

As an aside, I don’t understand why they chose to colour the graph with blue on the NT side blending over to red on the Aspie side. Maybe it’s a rainbow symbolism, but it makes me feel like there is a subconsious weighing or ranking, that one side is better or worse than the other. I think they should have used a circular gradiation instead of linear, to differentiate that low scores are in the middle and high scores at the edges, regardless of which side of the graph they fall on.

Of course, like any of these quizzes / tests, there’s always room for error or incompleteness, and misunderstandings. Like they asked if when I’m concentrating or thinking, do I tap my ears or push on my eyes. No I don’t. That’s wierd. I do rub my lips and pinch my nose though. That’s perfectly normal (isn’t it?) and they didn’t ask that. There were questions about what other people think, like do they think I’m wierd, do they think this, do they think that? I had to leave a lot of those blank because how do I know what people are thinking? Unless they specifically tell me – and some do specifically say I’m wierd.

Every now and then I think about getting an official diagnosis, but then I wonder if it’s really necessary. Would it be expensive? Would it help or hurt? I take exception to the wording that I’ve seen used in some of these things – the idea that Aspies are suffering, impaired, and need to be treated. I guess some might, but I don’t feel like I need to be ‘cured’ of who I am, or ‘treated’ for being different.

That keeps putting me off – I don’t want an official diagnosis if they’re just going to start treating me like I’m ill and need to be fixed.