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Wreck of a Weekend

Posted 2011.04.25 9.23 in Aquaria, Sports, Uncategorized

What a miserable crappy long weekend. The weather wasn’t as bad as forcast, though it was still fairly dreary. That wasn’t the worst of it though.

Thursday night was supposed to be good but instead I had to watch first Montreal, then Vancouver lose their playoff games. One disappointment after the next.

Friday was marginally better, with a new Fringe episode – although I didn’t think it was that great an ep. Too much telling, not enough showing.

Then Saturday night Montreal lost yet again. Three losses in a row now.

And last night was Vancouver’s turn to drop their third in a row. They were up 3-nil in the series, now it’s on to game seven.

And through all of this, my beloved pet snails had been dying off. I don’t know what the hell happened exactly, because the fish and frog in the same tank have been doing fine. Just all the snails died. The last couple died on Sunday. Including Little Buddy, who had been with me for nearly two years. He was my little methusela snail, the one who wouldn’t die. Till yesterday.

RIP Little Buddy.

What a crappy weekend. Nothing good came out of it, just disappointment and sadness.

Darkest Post

Posted 2010.06.30 9.00 in Life On Drugs, Pointless Blather

Over the past year or two, I’ve made comments, jokes, and entire posts about dealing with depression. Sometimes I deliberately try and make light of it, or look for a way to ‘find the funny’. Sometimes I make posts about it more for my own benefit, sort of theraputic writing, when I can’t keep stuff bottled up anymore. Mostly, my natural reaction is to keep my feelings hidden, not let anyone around me know just how desperate or lost I’m feeling. I don’t want to burden anyone else with my problems, and I don’t like attention.

As to which category this post will fall into… we’ll see how it develops. I might end up not even publishing it.

So… depression. I wonder sometimes if I’ve suffered from depression most of my life. I know I’ve been tired most of my life, and sometimes being really tired all the time seems like depression. Or, sometimes being depressed seems like being really tired all the time. At least, to me it does.

Then again, sometimes I can’t tell the difference between hunger and fear, so I may not be the best at discerning feelings.

I know my current ‘depressive episode’ started in 2007, and was going pretty strong in 2008. By the end of ’08 I was on anti-depressants, and am still on them now. Though for the past several months I’ve been suspicious that they aren’t quite working any more.

I remember being on drugs in the mid 90’s too, for a year or two. They never seemed to really do the trick then either, it felt more like an elaborate plan to get me to pay for the pharmacist to put his kids through college or something. Actually it sorta feels like that again now… Hmm.

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About Ready to Give Up

Posted 2009.09.17 9.27 in Pointless Blather

There are times when you work hard and even though things are tough you know that you’ll get through it and past it and everything will work out at the end. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel and the clouds have a silver lining and if you just stay positive and work hard and persevere, it will all be ok.

Then you realize that the light at the end of the tunnel is actually a freight train coming your way, the silver lining on the clouds is actually acid rain, and you realize that if you work hard and persevere, all that awaits you is more hard work and more difficult times.

When life reaches the point where it consists of waking, going to work, working, going home, having dinner, going to bed, lather, rinse, repeat. And you realize that wow, if I do this for the next 20 or 30 years, maybe I’ll be able to afford to continue to do this for the next 20 or 30 years. What’s the point? I work so that I continue to have a job so that I can continue to work?

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