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A Brief Intermission

Posted 2016.02.16 9.53 in Pointless Blather by Stephanie

Taking a little break from this year’s house plants & synth pics show to lower the mood and rant / whinge for a moment.

You know the expression Death By A Thousand Papercuts? Sometimes I feel like that.

Sometimes it seems like I have a thousand relatively minor health problems and individually they’re all quite common or insignificant, the sorts of thing everyone deals with one way or another.

But when there’s so many of them, there’s always at least 2 or 3 that are going at once, and by the time they’re dealt with, 2 or 3 more have already flared up to take their places.

So it’s constant. It’s not always the same thing, but it’s a constant struggle, a constant drain.

And I think sometimes it’d be easier just dealing with one biggie, like cancer or something. Because when you’re having a shit day and tell people that your cancer is flaring up, they understand that and cut you some slack. (*)

But when you’re having a shit day and it’s because [really minor medical inconvenience # 612] is flaring up, people think you’re a lazy-ass crybaby wimp who whines too much. Because they don’t get that it’s just one of a thousand other minor problems and they all add up, or that the last time you felt truly good and healthy was some time before the turn of the century.

Anyhow, I’m not saying I’d rather have cancer or something like that. Just that every little damn thing adds up and really sucks the life out of you, but those little things are all individually no big deal.

Like Spoon Theory – if you don’t know it, look into it. I first read about it in The Bloggess’ book Furiously Happy.

I sort of see it as it’s easy to explain why your cup is almost empty when there’s a huge gaping hole in it (eg. cancer) but when it’s constantly empty because of a thousand microscopic cracks, it’s harder to understand or explain.

Anyways, I just wanted to get this out. I’m in pain for what feels like the 7524th day in a row, and it’s not huge pain, but it’s enough to remind me that I don’t really want to endure another few thousand more days like this.

* Note: I’m not sure chronicly healthy people even really grasp it in those ‘big’ situations.

My dad was very healthy right up untill he died of cancer, and even then the only part of him that was sick was his lungs, where the cancer was. A couple days before he died, he told me he remembered one time years ago when I couldn’t keep up with him walking, because my asthma was acting up.

He admitted, at the time, he thought I was just lazy and out of shape. It wasn’t till he was laying there dying of lung cancer that he actually understood how debilitating it was, to have trouble breathing.

I’m not saying every healthy person is as oblivious as he was, just suggesting that unless you’ve actually experienced poor health yourself, you maybe don’t fully get how utterly taxing it can be.

Sixes and Nines

Posted 2013.11.09 10.01 in iPhone, Pointless Blather by Stephanie

So last Sunday, I sent up a new iPhone app for Apple’s approval. Still waiting to hear back from them on it. It’s a calendar replacement.

After iOS7 came out in September, I found they’d crippled their built-in calendar app by eliminating or neutering the two features I used most. List view, they eliminated completely, and Month view, they left in but totally borked.

After a week of frustration, it dawned on me to just go ahead and create the calendar app I wanted. And maybe other people would like it too.

It was a bit slow in coming out, as I first had to finish up Wicca Plus, then I had to learn the whole Event Kit framework as I’d never done any calendar stuff before. Anyhow, to learn more about it, you can see its product page here. I’m still waiting to hear back from Apple re. approval. Hopefully in the next few days it’ll hit the app store.

So with that out of the way, I’m now kind of unsure about where to go next. I have ideas for two more new apps, but I need to do more learning before tackling either of them. Or I could go back and start working on upgrades to existing apps.

I have almost a dozen new features to add to Wicca Plus… probably two months’ worth of work in there, actually.

But… I’ve sort of been working on iOS stuff non-stop since May, and I’m kind of starting to feel a bit of burn-out. Maybe I need a little break.

Then there’s my regular day-jobs, they still need attention too.

So, I’m not really sure what to do right now. Feels like a bit of a crossroads with no definite pull in any particular direction. Or equal amounts of pull in every direction.

As my mum would say, I’m at “sixes and nines.

So Damn Tired

Posted 2011.12.21 20.00 in Pointless Blather by Stephanie

I’ve been trying for three or four days now to write a big long babbling post about some electronic jiggery-pokery stuff, but when I get home from work all I wanna do is sleep.

I sit and stare at the computer and my head’s full of words but before I can squeeze them out my fingertips into the keyboard, my eyes glaze over and it’s jnue4 just bed bed bed bed bed bed I wanna go to bed.

Just getting out this brief missive is probably the high-point of my evening.

Blah.

Grasp of Time

Posted 2011.12.14 14.19 in Pointless Blather by Stephanie

This week went by particularily fast. Or was it two weeks? It feels like only last night I was tinkering with the Arduino 1.0 library stuff. There were a couple weekends in there too, I think. It’s all just condensed into a blur. Stuff happened. I slept. I worked. That could have been any day. Or every day.

This has led me to think more about time in general, and how I perceive it. I think I have a pretty good grasp of seconds, and minutes. Hours are ok. Days… one or two, aren’t bad. When it starts getting up into the weeks thing though, that’s where it all starts to blur for me.

Thinking about it while coming in to work this morning, I feel like I have a fairly good grasp of time, as far back as the day before yesterday, and as far forward as the day after tomorrow. Beyond that though, it all just compresses together.

Except not these last two particular days, they’re very blurry.

I haven’t been able to sleep. My insomnia went into overdrive, I’ve been up till about 4am two nights in a row, but still waking up at the usual time in the morning to go to work. I don’t even use an alarm clock.. I just get up when I wake up, and that happens fairly consistantly at the same time most days, to get me to work on time. Even when I haven’t had enough sleep, it seems.

Needless to say, there hasn’t been anything to report, other then, “Still alive. Sleepy.”

Meh.

Posted 2011.10.04 19.31 in Pointless Blather, Uncategorized by Stephanie

That’s how I feel. My leg is not getting better fast enough. It’s cold out. I’m unenthusiastic about everything.

Meh.

Can’t even think of anything that would cheer me up.

Cameras just remind me that I can’t walk around and take pictures.

I’m still burned out on electronics.

Fish and snails… burned me out last week. I forgot to blob about that. I did make a post about it though at Applesnail.net.

It’s a long weekend coming up. Thanksgiving. Not feeling very thanksful at the moment, though I realize that I do have a great many things to be thankful about.

Anyways, turkeys are annoying.

Munday…

Posted 2010.06.21 7.32 in Family/Friends, Pointless Blather by Stephanie

Not a fan of Monday – and the morning is especially unloved. Once I take over the world, I think I’ll extend the weekends to include Monday, so everyone gets a 3-day weekend.

Yesterday was Fathers’ Day. I went to the hospital to spend some time with my dad. He got through last week’s surgery ok, but he’s been in a lot of pain. It’s difficult to see him like that – I imagine it’s always hard for someone to see one of their parents all weakened and suffering. Looking ahead, hopefully he’ll be well enough to go home this week.

Also ahead, there’s like a week and a half till the end of the month and I’ve got a small mountain of work to get through by then. Between that and visits to the hospital et cetera, I’m already feeling all tapped out and exhausted.

In other mundane news, the world cup is into it’s 2nd week and England is acting like they’re homesick and want to get out of South Africa as quickly as possible. They just have to endure one more match on Wednesday then they can pack up and leave. Booooo. I don’t know who else to cheer for; I guess I’ll decide that on a match-by-match basis.

Right now I’m rooting for North Korea as they face Portugal… No particular reason other than I tend to root for the underdogs, and I like watching big upsets.

Tax Time

Posted 2010.04.29 1.51 in Pointless Blather, Work by Stephanie

That time once again. It seems like it comes around every year like this. Income tax. Bleargh.

I try not to procrastinate, I try to be good. Well when I say try, what I mean is that I think about it. I start thinking about doing my taxes in February. It’s a chore though and seems tiring, so thinking about it makes me sleepy.

Then March comes around, and I think about it some more. By March, all the various forms and receipts have usually arrived in the mail. I know I ought to sit down and do it. It’s not too bad if I space it out over two weekends – a couple hours the first weekend to sort & add up my receipts, then a couple hours the next weekend to fill in all the forms and do the maths and figuring.

Then April comes in and I realize I really have to get serious and set aside some time for it. Maybe just one weekend instead of two. If I spread it out over Saturday and Sunday, then it’s not so bad, two smaller chores instead of one big one. Still, it’s no fun, and all the maths and numbers make my head hurt. Then the headache makes me sleepy.

And ultimately, I find myself with about 30 hours to the deadline, sitting up at 2:00am with a calculator, notepad, and a zillion slips of paper, trying to get through it without falling asleep.

Next time, I’ll be good. I won’t procrastinate.

Come to think of it, I’ve got like 30 hours or so left, I might just go to bed and finish this stuff later.