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The Tired…

Posted 2010.04.18 15.22 in Pointless Blather

It is winning.

Bored Now

Posted 2010.01.26 17.45 in Pointless Blather

Bored with being sick. Bored of playing with the video game.

Lots of things to type about but too tired at the moment to type them out.

There was something about expiry dates.

Tuesday Update

Posted 2009.12.29 7.46 in Pointless Blather

There’s been a lack of posts lately, because I’ve been more tired and less ambitious than usual. A few times, I’ve thought of things to say, but haven’t had the motivation or energy to type.

I don’t know if it’s the weather or the lack of sunlight or what.

So anyhow, point form: Snails, Fish, Work, Winter, Tired.

That about sums it up I guess.

Unfocused

Posted 2009.12.20 10.03 in Life On Drugs, Pointless Blather

Unfocused pretty much describes me right now. Unable to focus. Focus-free. Not blurry, just… unfocused.

I’m supposed to be working. All weekend. Household chores and office work. Like every other weekend, I write up a checklist so I know what I need to do, and check each thing off as I go.

This weekend though… kaput. Nada. Nothing.

Yesterday, instead of accomplishing the eleven tasks I had on my list, I achieved only two. The rest of the day was spent sleeping, or resting, or just staring into space.

Maybe it’s the season? Monday is the winter solstace. Shortest day, longest night, darkest dark. So this weekend we’re pretty close to that. Not much light. Maybe it’s just that I’m tired out and need to catch up on my zzzzzzs.

Or maybe I’m shutting down – when the stress and pressure get to be too much, I sieze up and go off-line. Some stress and pressure is good, up to a point it helps me function, but past that point things begin to fail quickly.

Also, I’ve just got around to increasing the dosage on my meds, that the doctor RXed last month, so that might be contributing.

I don’t know.

Whatever it is, all I do know is that another day goes by, it’s another day closer to the various deadlines, and one less day I have to achieve what needs to be done.

They tell me Friday is a holiday. Long weekends are good – it’s a chance to get more work done, get caught up a bit.

Meh.

 

So… F-ing… Tired…

Posted 2009.12.14 9.03 in Pointless Blather

The mania has collapsed I think.  Two insomniated nights in a row. So very, very tired…

Can’t get going. Just feel exhausted.

Blahhhh.

Depression vs. Tiredness

Posted 2009.10.28 8.19 in Pointless Blather

Lack of motivation? Or lack of energy?

Sometimes it is hard to tell the difference; sometimes it’s both.

To some extent, the symptoms are the same.

And I’d write more, but seriously, I just don’t have it in me right now.

Sorry.

Darkness and Pain

Posted 2009.10.15 9.33 in Pointless Blather

It’s not what you think.

First off, I’m still rebelling against autumn. Well not rebelling, I guess you can’t really stop the seasons. Maybe moving to the opposite hemisphere would be a way to rebel. I’m just upset about it. This morning, I stayed in bed an extra half hour after the alarm went off and it was still dark when I got up. It feels like getting up at midnight. I can’t get up in the dark. Sure I wake up all the time, but getting up… that’s another matter entirely.

Then there’s the pain. I think that when you’re in pain, it tires you out. Like you have a certain amount of energy for the day, and if you’re in pain then some of that energy is going to into dealing with the pain. And I’m running on diminished capacity anyways, so having something else nibbling away at my reserves is just unfair.

The thing is, I have a toothache. It’s kind of a dull constant throbbing thing. I know any normal person would go and see a dentist, but… I learned at a very early age that dentists are Evil. You think I’m just kidding around. The dentist I saw as a child, was so nasty that his own family saw other dentists. This man scarred me for life, seriously.

My earliest dental memories involve him striking me across the face because I was frightened and wouldn’t open my mouth, then when he did get it open he wedged some kind of stainless steel device in there that had a little crank and it expanded to force my mouth open and keep it that way. I saw a similar device on the Discovery Channel recently, on their Machines of Malice series.

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