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Cheer up! Snap out of it!

Posted 2011.01.20 9.44 in Hobbies, Pointless Blather by Stephanie

You hear stuff like that now and then, when you’re depressed. Seems more likely in the first 6 or 12 months. Once you get into a really long dark groove, eventually people clue in that it’s not something you can just snap out of, and that if you could just cheer up you probably would have done that already.

About the best I’ve been able to manage is to keep myself distracted. Keep forcing myself on this electronics hobby stuff. When I’m actually plugging away at it, I’m not feeling depressed. So from that angle, it’s working.

The problem is that it’s not consistent or fool-proof, and now and then things don’t go well then it just adds to the frustration and negative thoughts, rather than being a distraction from them.

Like this thermostat project. It’s starting to feel like every time I make any progress, there’s another setback to go with it. Two steps forward, three steps back.

It’s been two weeks since I talked about the last big setback. Two weeks of re-thinking, re-organizing, and replacing dead components. I got a new enclosure. I scrapped the first prototype board. Slowly things were coming back together again.

Last night I got back to the point I was at 2 weeks ago, of incorporating the ethernet port. This time, nothing went in backwards and nothing was wired wrong. The magic smoke stayed in. The ethernet port is installed and working. Except…

The ethernet chip generates a lot of heat, even when it’s sitting idle. By a lot, I mean, it feels just slightly warm to the touch. No big deal, right? Except having a little heater in the thermostat completely fucks up the thermostat’s ability to know the temperature of the room. Gawddamnit.

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Autumn…. Ptooey!

Posted 2009.10.13 9.22 in Pointless Blather by Stephanie

This year, more than others I can remember, I’m really feeling displeased about autumn.

And for the record, it’s Autumn, not “fall”. Fall is what you do after you trip. Leaves fall in Autumn. Fall is not a season. I don’t care if I’m wrong. It’s Autumn. So there.

Anyways. Every morning it seems to be darker out. And the wet, grey, miserable dampness… every morning it is harder to function. Harder to find the motivation to get up and out. And every day it gets a little colder. Last night I had to add another blanket to my bed, I was freezing!

As much as I love Canada, I just don’t think I’m cut out for the weather here. And as bad as autumn gets, it’s just the prelude to winter! That’s another reason I dislike autumn.

For that matter, I think the real problem is working for a living – I’m getting mighty tired of that too. I mean, if I didn’t have to be at work every day, then I wouldn’t have to get up in the cold/wet/grey/dark and wouldn’t have to worry about finding the motivation or energy to carry on. I could just hibernate through the winter, or at least, stay indoors, crank up the heat, and survive through take-out and delivery services. Sure I could venture out now and then, on the warmer days. But I’d wait till the sun was up and it was well and truly daylight. And I wouldn’t be out for long – just a quick dash for supplies, wine, toys or whatever, then hurry back to my warm cozy house.

Actually, if I’m going to daydream, why not daydream big? If I could do anything, have anything, live anywhere I wanted, I would move to a tropical island type place, like Waikiti – I would have a small 1-room appartment above or behind a clubhouse type bar. I would spend my days messing around on the water with boats, or buzzing around in bizzare flying machines, and my evenings would be wasted away relaxing in a big comfy easy chair, with some nice chilled German wines.

I probably wouldn’t live long, but I’d live well.