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The mania didn’t keep me awake (much) last night – in bed by 11pm, asleep by 1am. Two hours to fall asleep is pretty typical for me.
Even better though, the mania has still been with me all day today. I got in to work and was nonstop again on the Project. I feel like I got more done in the last 2 days than in the previous 2 weeks. It’s been swell!
The only downside is that none of my other work got done. When I’m grooving on the Project, I don’t wanna do anything else. So I have to go in to the office on the weekend for a day, to catch up the other stuff.
In the meantime, I’m enjoying a nummy Adult Beverage, some dinner, and contemplating if I want to keep working tonight or not.
Mmmm. Adult beverage…
It’s funny, how suddenly things can change course. The cryptospam wasn’t working, wine wasn’t helping, and in the last few days even things like my hobbies (photography, snails, etc) had very suddenly lost their interest. Then Pow! things are all different. What was the catalyst? What kicked in? I bought a notebook. No not the computer kind, an actual notebook / notepad. 250 pages, lined both sides. And some pens, don’t forget the pens.
A pad and some pens, in and of themselves, are of course quite meaningless and banal. It’s what they represent, that is key. A clean, fresh, brand-new notepad and some brand-new pens, are symbolic for the start of a brand-new project. A project big and important enough to merit its very own notebook.
Now, lately work has not got me excited whatsoever. And this is not surprising, as lately work has just been the same old drudgery and toil. Bang the rocks together. Make big rocks into little rocks. Metaphorically speaking, of course. There is little to be excited about, in administration, tech support, maintenance, same-old day-in day-out grind.
Projects though, projects are big-time. Well, big projects are, anyways. Projects big enough to get their own notebook are super-big-time!
As projects go, this one doesn’t even have any guarantee of pay – it’s all speculative. But money doesn’t matter – I mean, money is nice and all, but it’s not a goal, just a means. This project has actually been bouncing around for several months, but it was not fully concieved, it was not ready. Now it is. Now it has a real deadline and schedule and meetings and it’s important. So, I got my notebook, I got some pens, and I started writing. The first page, a checklist of what needs to be done. First page off the top of my head, the start. What do I need to do right now, and when does it need to be done by?
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single trip to Staples to get a new notebook.
And some pens.
Don’t forget the pens.
The cryptospam still wasn’t working, but the wine was nice.
For a while, then it wore off.
Back to step one.
It’s a good word to describe how I feel, frequently. Fragile. I don’t mean physically fragile (although I do feel that way too at times.) I mean emotionally, mentally fragile. Like, easily-damaged, handle with care. Between the various stresses, the depression, the anti-depressants, feeling like I’m being pulled in a couple dozen different directions, and not often not having anyone I can talk to about everything. So I can talk here, right? Well, no, not always. See, anything posted in a blog or on a website is essentially published in a public forum. So there’s entire topics I can’t even touch upon here. I have to watch what I say.
These are difficult times. Between the economy and the ever-increasing pace of life, a lot of people are feeling the stress get to them. Knowing that, I will say that one of the dumbest ‘games’ people can get into is the Who’s Life Sucks More? game. Also known as the My Problems are Bigger Than Yours game, the My Hurt’s More Than Yours game, and the I’m the Most Depressed game. Any time you and your friend/family start playing these games (unintentionally or otherwise) there are no winners, only losers. Now, most people don’t play these games on purpose. Maybe the occasional person is compelled to one-up-manship. But typically if someone mentions to you how shitty their life is at the moment, they aren’t trying to win at anything, they might want some sympathy, but that’s about it. And if you tell someone how shitty your life is and they respond with how crappy their own life is, that probably isn’t a ‘challenge’ or ‘throwdown’. They could just be comiserating. As in “I know what you mean, my life sucks too.” — although if you’re already feeling like crap, it’s easy to misinterpret their response as them trying to belittle your pain by saying how much worse theirs is.
Ultimately, everyone’s personal pain is the worst pain there is. None of us can know what the other is going through.
I’m going to pop in the ‘read more’ button here and warn you, if you want to keep reading, it is going to get a tad dark as I allow myself to wallow around a bit in some self pity.
I’m sitting here in some partial darkness and I truly (heart) my aquarium. I love how it looks right now. I did a good cleaning last night, and added another plant this afternoon. Right now the water is crystal clear, the fishies and snailies are acting happy, and everything just looks hoopy.
Props to my sister for giving me the 23 gallon tank. If only it were a 30. Or a 50. I’m addicted. More fish! More snails!
I also (heart) my new camera. It’s super cool, and props to Kimberly for telling me something cool about editing RAW images. Yay! Happy happy happy.
No matter how stressful work gets, my fishies and snailies help make it better. Wine doesn’t hurt either.
You know those logic puzzles from school, I think it’s called a sillogism or something like that… one of Aristotle’s inventions. Where you use two factual statements to make a logical leap to a third statement. Anyhow:
- Fact: Everyone tells me that when I’m sick, I should drink plenty of liquids.
- Fact: Wine is a liquid.
- Therefore: Drink plenty of wine when you’re sick.
Except it didn’t quite work out. Ok I did sleep a bit better last night. I think. Well at least, I fell asleep pretty quickly. But I don’t feel so good this morning… so I think maybe wine is not a good cure for the cold. Or the H1N1 Avian Swine SARS flu. I can’t tell which is which any more.