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Wrong Kind of Wake-Up

Posted 2009.04.11 8.03 in Pointless Blather by Stephanie

So I drag myself out of bed, bleary-eyed, and assemble the ingredients for coffee, just like every morning. Scoop in the magic powder, add a dusting of sweetener, pour in the boily water, then top with milk. Then ‘accidentally spill’ a few drops of milk to keep the Misha happy.

Blearily I get back to the living room, sit down to read my email and sip my coffee, it’s the morning routine.

That first sip of the morning…Mmmmmbleaaaaarrrrggghhh!  Why are there chunky floaty lumpies in my coffee!?  Ssssppiittttooooeeeeeyyyyy!

So I sit, contemplating the mug for a minute or two. It was like someone mixed oatmeal in with my coffee when I wasn’t looking. It was yucky. Dare I try another sip?

No, I do not. I’m now quite awake. Blech.

Now I am suspicious of my coffee, my milk, and my kitchen in general. Were there buggies in my coffee? Lumpies in my milk? Some creepy crawly in my water? Something residing in my mug?

Sigh.

From the ‘What Was I Thinking’ Files

Posted 2007.09.24 0.00 in Family/Friends by Stephanie

Sometimes, the wise thing to do is *Not* listen to one’s mother. I suspect that sometimes my mum tells me things that are sheer and utter nonsense and she just does it to see if I’m paying attention or to find out if I’m still as gullible as I was when I was a kid.

So last night I was kind of hungry, but not really hungry, and wanted something small to eat, but didn’t feel like junk food. I didn’t feel like cooking up anything, just wanted something bigger than a snack but smaller than a meal. As usual I had almost nothing in the house. A sandwich seemed like the thing, but I didn’t have enough of anything to make a sandwich of any one genre. No cold meat, no lettuce, PB but no J. Just odds and ends. Then I remembered, my mum’s always going on about PB & Onion sandwiches and how it’s a good thing.

Yeah.

I went there.

I had some sweet Videlia onion, and I had some PB. So I made a PB & Onion sandwich.

At first it wasn’t entirely hideous. In fact, the PB and Onion seemed to cancel each other out, flavour-wise. It reminded me of cherry vanilla diet dr. pepper – there were so many flavours all in the same proportion that in the end I couldn’t taste anything at all, it was just a soda pop without any flavour. Well at first, the PB & O was like that… substance and texture but no taste.

Sadly, it didn’t stay that way.

I started getting little ‘flashes’ of flavour. A wave of PB. Then a blast of onion. Then a blast of PB & Onion.

It was bad. It was really bad. It was so bad that I couldn’t finish it, had to toss it away. It was so bad that my tummy got grumbly.

It was so bad that I had grumblies in my tummy all night.

I don’t know if I should tell my mum or not… I think she might just laugh. Or worse — she’ll make a note of it, and then next week, she’ll tell me about some other ‘great’ thing, and then wait to see how long before I’m stupid enough to try it.

PB & O is evil.